Dealing With Homosexuality : Jim Clifford

I did everything in my life, as a good boy, and after high school went to college and made 99% marks. As I said, I did everything very well but tackle the thought of my sexuality. I excelled in everything I had done, even took 4 years of private lessons in songwriting and music theory from a magnificent teacher... I still write and play today....

I felt I knew nothing about my sexuality. Though in my subconscious I knew something was different. I did not want to be exculpated from those around me...... So I did everything else I could in my life, tackling every aspect except my sexuality...

So I became a good songwriter, I graduated college, and entered my career, and then it happened.

I was in my neighborhood supermarket, in the produce section, imagine that, of course, and Ronny came up to me and asked may I help you? We engaged in a simple nice conversation, he asked if I would have lunch. I said Yes. I lived two blocks away, we had a nice luncheon in my apartment, and he left back to work. Then I noticed he left his jacket.

A day later, he called and said "I left my jacket, may I come and pick it up?"

He then asked me if I would like to go out with him.... I said yes.... not knowing what to expect.

In those days, the gay clubs were exclusive and members only, and he took me to every club in West Hollywood. We danced, we had a good time, it was bliss.

Then it happened that we made love one night, and it was heaven, my first time... oh I fell in love that night.... no details needed here, just to say it was heaven....

I immediately called my family and friends and said I was in love, and the response was yes, with whom? I said with a BOY named Ronny. Oh? Mama said she always knew, she loved me and she loved me and always wanted me to be happy. Sister had a lot of questions... my brother had no questions just said he loved me... my other sister said I know my dear brother, I love you.

We had a torrid love affair for three months. Ronny took me to all the best clubs, and I was so excited to be in these places, it was so comfortable... so many kinds of people, every ethnicity, every culture and guys from many countries... yet all I could see is that they were all gay... my people....!

Three months, it ended. I was devastated. I cried, walking home for 2 miles in the rain... I was crying hard, but the rain hid my tears..... I was so crushed.... I cried the whole night....

The days passed, and I was able to go to the clubs Ronny invited me to, and I met new friends who were gay. I had not known a gay person before Ronny. The music was wonderful, I met new friends, and I felt my life had finally started....

I never thought I was in the closet as I had announced to my family and friends as soon as I had my first boyfriend. I lost half my friends. No matter here... I kept all of my family.

From then I have felt forever free, to be myself, my family and remaining friends loved me, no matter how I was, for I was born this way....

I did meet up with Ronny again, and we had remained good friends for many years until he moved away.... there were no bad feelings, only a love of friendship.... and in my heart I have always been thankful for his love and friendship with me...

It's been a long journey, it did not happen overnight, but it took years for me to be comfortable to say YES I AM GAY... and please,my family, if you have to vote on gay marriage, think of me, your sweet cousin, nephew, grandson, son, I AM GAY, think of me and think of how I want to live my life.... FREEEEEEEEEEE.... free to marry the one I love.... free to be me........

Now years ahead, my family loves me dearly and I am the favored "son" though my mama and grandma are in heaven. I am still the favored one.... they love me dearly... and they wish the most happiness for me... to find my love and to live my life with abandonment of conventions and love freely... and now at my age I have found my true love after all these years that I have waited....for so very long, for the one.... and finally I am free....

Bless all my brothers... I love you all dearly... keep the faith, keep true to your values and wishes... your desire for true love... for it will happen...

- Jim Clifford