Being
Gay is a journey that has been destined for you even prior to your
birth, Its is not something you can go out and purchase over a counter
or stand under the stars on a starry night and make a wish by saying..."
I wish to be gay".
For me it has been an incredible journey
with many pitfalls but it was entirely up to me to stand by whom I am
and above all believe in who I am. It is vitally important for all of us
to realize that nobody but nobody can bring you happiness and
contentment but YOU!!! From a very tender age I realized that I had
different feelings within my in comparison to the other boys in our
neighborhood. I wanted to do entirely different things to them. This ,
of course, in self posed a problem. Hence, i moved into a world of
fantasy whereby I could lose myself and be "happy". This spared me
insults and nastiness from my friends. Living in the real world at that
age was already difficult.
In my adolescent years the struggle
started. My siblings realized that their brother was different and
started avoiding me. Tears became my everyday companion and I must admit
gave me tons of relief. My high school years were absolutely hell!!!! I
was the outcast in more ways than...but this did not deter me from
being whom I am. I was stoned (and it hurt more emotionally than it did
physically). Looking back, today I can smile because at the end of the
day I did not betray myself. I pushed through to the bitter end.
I got engaged in my early twenties when I started my Nursing career.
This was to blend in with the rest of society. I in actual fact I was
running away from the truth because I was in a new city where no-one
knew me. That year of being engaged was hell, not for her but for me. I
was living a lie and that did not rest well with me at all. Not going
into great detail the engagement ended and I could sigh with relief...I
was free from my lies. There is a saying in the English
language......THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE" Boy It surely did it for me.
To this day i am still on very good terms with her. That is indeed a
Bonus for me. The drama with my family was lengthy and very bitter. That
is is story on its own!!! I endured their insults, beatings as well,
from time to time. I still would not budge..".I AM GAY". I was cursed,
avoided, slandered...yet I bore my cross with a smile. "To Him who
waits. it shall be given" My wait for acceptance was long and
tedious....but it eventually arrived . Today my entire family loves me
for whom I am and my perseverance. Having a relationship in the gay
world is no different to the straight world, a relationship between two
people, irrespective of their sexual orientation is a way of life and
presents with every day problems e.g. the insecurities, jealousy,
betrayal, nastiness etc. I learnt vastly from my relationships( had one
for 8 years and for 18 years). My gay relationships gave me a sense of
belonging, a sense of responsibility, and the experience of being loved.
Today I am at peace and very content. I refuse to be a bitter person
because of the manner of how I was treated as a Gay man. We have walked a
long difficult road so that the younger generation can live is a
society where there is no discrimination between the sexual orientation
of people.
Shakespeare clearly stated" And above all things
unto thine own self be TRUE". Have the determination to believe in
yourself irrespective of the hassles society places on you. My tale is
one of many that is known to many other gay men and I know they will
identify identify with me.
For all my bitter experiences I have a broad smile on my face and can say"The journey was worth my persecution!!!!
- Fioravandi Pietro Fleming
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