What is sex therapy ? What happens in a sex therapy session ? - Pankrut Kapoor

 Sex therapy is a new -age boon to problematic relations . It is very interesting form of relationship counselling that focuses specifically on intimacy and sexual problems . A sex therapist can be a psychiatrist , psychologist, a family or marriage counsellor . There are specific programmes designed to help couples and individuals work through their sex related issues . The role of a therapist is not to change someone's sex drive or orientation , but to help them maximise their potential for satisfaction and guide them towards safe comfortable and satisfying sex that suits their libido and libido poweress .


by Pankrut Kapoor

WAR OF WORDS: Words Losing Decency?

DISCLAIMER: SOME READERS MAY FIND MY ARTICLE BOLD & NASTY BUT IT MAKES SENSE AND I HAVE WRITTEN IT FROM MY OBSERVATION. NO HARD FEELINGS.

When I entered in this gay world, it was very difficult for me to understand and most importantly to remember some of the terms/words which are almost universal in this world now. Some of the words which I learned from childhood mean something else. Objection is not against those words but in the context which they get used and how decently people are using them.

Some popular Words which are now visible everywhere in this world,

1) Top – Upper part. Above. Up. Upside. Fcuker??
I learned ‘Top’ is upper part or up and always used it while framing sentence in the context of Sky and when one of my gay friend told me ‘Top means Fcuker’ I asked but why? Top means he always keeps his partner down and remains up while having sex? Oh, he should buy KAMSUTRA Book lol :P
And we got many proud ‘TOPS’ who say ‘’You know I am Top not a bottom’’. They say it like they can convert into a heterosexual guy at next moment!

2) Bottom – Lower part. Down. Below. Downside. Bitch?? (this is how many treat them)
Like top I also learned word Bottom in the school in the context of a juice jar or a water-well. And after getting term TOP, I am clever enough to know the one who gets fcuked is Bottom but always at bottom? (while getting respect too?)

3) Versatile – I am a VERSATILE guy since my childhood :D Hey, take it in exact dictionary meaning!! This word disappointed me a lot. ‘Versatile simply means a person with various skills, talents & achievements.’ In gay context they got 2 talents and abilities of fcuking & getting fcuked!! Really? Wooow great skills. Big difference in actual meaning and gay world meaning. I feel awkward when my mom praises me infront of guests by saying “My son is Versatile’’ and I feel like asking her “How do you know that?’’ :O

4) Double-Decker – BEST BUS. This is what I know about this word. I realized the gay meaning of this word this year only when another gay friend explained it to me. Double-Decker is BEST Bus which I adore, I love to sit in the TOP part and that to in the front and enjoy city while traveling and taking air on me. Even I also had a double-decker bus toy in my childhood. But here in this case ‘Double Decker means Versatile only’. My reaction was pretty confused and I ask my friend use slangs or cheap words if you want while explaining but I need to know how this word can be a synonym to versatile?? He said in “Double-decker you get two options, TOP part of the vehicle and BOTTOM part of the vehicle to have a FUN journey. Choice is yours! ;)

5) Size – Measurement. But Of WHAT?? Figure? No… Then? In early GAY days some strangers on fb used to ask, “What’s your size?’’. I used to ask them humbly, “Tee-shirt ka ya shoes ka??” Ohh! Innocent Me :P
Then people got to tell me of your dick, and I still said “Sorry, I never counted!” (with ‘^_^’ smiley). Being serious, I found this concept very cheap, You got no business of knowing how long someone got? or tiny one. ‘Jaisa bhi hai, Unka hai’. I just protest this concept of knowing size and I like the way My one BOTTOM friend deals with it, when people ask him SIZE?, He says “Look, I am Bottom so mind business with my ass not with my dick!’’ :D

6) Place – Space. Area. Home. Locality. Fcuk Place??
“Hey dude you got Place?’’ “Yes! I live in Home”
Place has only got restricted to SEX. The actual meaning of this word is losing its essence or already lost? Guy having place is the most successful person and with High Demand. Instead of talking about Home décor, Orphanage, Old-age homes people seek to know more about this PLACE.
“You know? I can’t arrange a place, I told you I don’t have place.’’……… “Are you Homeless?” Level of decency needs to be on it’s PLACE!

7) CAM - Customer Application Module?? Camera?? Ohh you mean…Webcam? Yes I got!
“Good then C2C?”. “Customer to Customer?”. “No, Cam to Cam?” Heard about M2M. Wonder how C2C happens? :)
CAM? This 3 alphabets means wanna have sex online? They made it in short way actually to save typing effort and asking for sex by saying so many things. If ‘YES’ is answer you can expect a big nasty session (If the guy is worth of your expectation). These words are enough to show a person’s nature and level of thinking. Skype has damaged its image because of that.

Some of these words are also popular in heterosexual online world too so blame is not upon gay community only. But as human being I feel bizarre when I see communication getting such a cheap turn, where people are still interested to each-other’s INNER THINGS not in INNER Heart and feelings…
Complaint is not against words but the way they are getting used by people. Such words are losing decency and becoming phenomenon throughout the world.

- Nakshatra

WAR OF WORDS: Straight Profile Vs. Gay Profile

By respecting all privacy concerns I am writing this…

I often feel offended when people ask me.. Do you have any NORMAL account? Can I have your straight ID? Is this your FAKE ID?
Hang on! My any ID and yours too is NORMAL (Being gay is normal), I am not straight so I don’t have such STRAIGHT ID but you may be asking for my Family ID and lastly, I am Being Real & honest here NOT FAKE. Are you??

Let’s clear some concepts to avoid identity crisis:

There are 2 types of profile IN GAY INTERNET LANGUAGE…one is FAKE and other is REAL!! I found these words offensive and insulting. What is Real & Fake..why such dual life atleast on social networking? ..I accept a closet can’t do all on his FAMILY ID (REAL)…But atleast why to call FAKE to the ID in which you are not with your exact identity but express your GENUINE FEELINGS??

I will distinguish your concepts about Facebook Profile/ID:

1) FAKE ID:
What’s that??
FAKE is something which is NOT TRUE. FAKE ID is the profile where People FAKE their identity. When it comes to FAKE name or picture, I can give clean chit as our country is still not on well terms with homosexuality. But you’ll be known as FAKE if you share your FALSE feelings and thoughts, That’s FAKE for me!
So no name or picture but when you FAKE your thoughts you will have a FAKE ID. So you have a FAKE ID?? Your thoughts are Genuine and Real?

So who is FAKE here: Those who portray themselves something different than they are in reality. 

2) REAL ID:
What’s REAL??
REAL is something which is TRUE. REAL ID is the profile where People are with their REAL identity Real Name, Real Picture of yourself, Real thought on EVERYTHING (Including Sexual Orientation especially when you fill up ‘’Interested in : Women’’ on fb) 

So many of you are not being REAL on REAL ID when it comes to sexuality which really makes a big difference there, You just pretend to be a straight which YOU ARE NOT!! SO YOU BEING FAKE…AND THAT MAKE YOUR REAL ID FAKE!! :D funny! Isn’t it?
So is there anyone who got REAL ID here??

So who are REAL here: Those who express themselves openly without caring what will people think about their feelings and expressions on EVERY SINGLE THING. Very Few Are Here.

So if you are not FAKE and not REAL too then what you are…?

Here you are….

Actual ID/Family ID: 

It’s the profile which shows your actual identity mostly with REAL NAME & PICTURES. Mostly you came on facebook with this ID and with your real life friends and family members, relatives are added. Here there is no case of REAL OR FAKE! Family ID is Family ID, BE FAKE OR REAL!

Other ID/Gay Friendly ID:

It’s the profile which DOES NOT SHOW your actual identity in terms of REAL NAME & PICTURES But Your thoughts are REAL, pure and genuine which are in your mind and for any reason you are not able to express them on your Family ID.
Here you express your gay life openly either in good way or bad (choice is yours). But it’s more about your sexual orientation.

So which are the PERFECT TERMS/NAMES for THESE ACCOUNTS?

Straight ID? – NO! By ANY WAY.. “YOU ARE NOT STRAIGHT”

PERFECT NAME is OTHER ACCOUNT for our GAY FRIENDLY ID. Don’t call it FAKE and don’t allow people to call it FAKE, If you are not FAKE!! 

PERFECT NAME is ACTUAL ACCOUNT for our FAMILY ID. Don’t call it REAL and don’t allow people to call it REAL Cuz’ it’s always bad to be and get recognized ‘what you are not’!! 

There are some people like me who got 2 IDs and Their both ID’s are Actual ID (as they are being what they are openly) and Gay Friendly too. 
Remember the words “ACTUAL” & “OTHER”. NOT “STRAIGHT’’ & “FAKE”

And please for welfare of Gay Man-Kind don’t say it NORMAL/ABNORMAL ACCOUNT, GAYS ARE NORMAL HUMAN BEING….MADE BY GOD, LOVED BY GOD TO DO ‘’NORMAL THINGS’’.

So when you talk to someone about this, please make sure you’ll use PROPER WORDS. :)

- Nakshatra

7 Kissing Tips for All

 

Learning how to kiss better is important, but it's pretty difficult to find very many good guides with simple kissing tips for guys. That first kiss, in particular, can be nerve-wracking, which is why a lot of guys prefer to learn how to be a better kisser before the time for that first kiss is suddenly upon them. You can be prepared to wow your kissing partner with your mad skills by following these seven kissing tips for guys.

How to Kiss Better Tip #1: Take it Slow There is nothing worse than a guy who rushes in to plant one on his date, and then rushes through the whole kissing session. Slow things down and remember that kissing is supposed to be sensual and fun. Besides, if you take it slowly, it will make it look like you know what you are doing. Why would you even want to rush a kiss? Kissing is all about emotion and passion. Take your time and savor every second of the experience.

How to Kiss Better Tip #2: Practice If you read some kissing tips for guys, and then run out and find someone to kiss without putting in any practice, it is very likely that you are going to come across as tense and awkward as you try to remember and implement what you have learned. This will not be natural and is no way to let it flow, which is what you really want to do. So, while you might laugh at the idea, putting in a little practice with a pillow or the back of your hand really will pay off. Practicing will help you get used to the movements and assist in them becoming second nature. Practicing will also help you be less nervous and will help you feel better prepared and more confident. Once you start kissing an actual person, you still want to remember that practice make perfect. Everyone kisses a little differently, so practicing kissing your partner will allow you to get used to the feel of their lips and their kissing style, and will also help you learn what they enjoy.

How to Kiss Better Tip #3: Change Things Up Change things up every once in awhile by varying your technique. This will keep your kissing sessions from becoming routine or stuck in a rut and will surprise your partner, keeping things fresh and exciting. This will likely encourage them to kiss you more, since they will want to see what other tricks you have up your sleeve. Of course, you don't want to get all crazy and be constantly changing techniques. This can take away the intrigue and could lead to you switching things up just when your partner was starting to really get into it. Changing your technique too often can also come across as sloppy or like you don't really know what you are doing. You want to change things up just enough to show your partner that you enjoy kissing them and actually are putting some thought into it.

How to Kiss Better Tip #4: Get a Little Closer One of the kissing tips for guys that some guys don't seem to get is that kissing is not just about the lips and the mouth: It's about the whole body. For example, if you are standing completely apart and just leaning in for your lips to meet, that isn't very personal or passionate. You want to feel close to your kissing partner. To achieve this, hold them close to you or touch them on the back or face. You can even just hold his hands – just make it feel intimate.

How to Kiss Better Tip #5: Break the Silence The time between kisses or during kisses can get a little weird if there is absolutely no noise. A completely quiet room does not make for comfortable kissing and can make you or your partner start to feel nervous. You can fix this by having some background music playing, which will also help to set the scene. You should also consider talking a little during kissing. Saying things that let them know you are really into them will make them feel special and will show that you are not just kissing them, you are thinking about them as well.

How to Kiss Better Tip #6 Move It Kissing that stays just at the lips can get boring after awhile. Don't be afraid to explore and drop some butterfly kisses on his cheeks or work your way a little down his neck or to the tops of his shoulders. The neck is a great place to kiss, as it is super sensitive and will give him a tingling sensation that is sure to turn him on.

How to Kiss Better Tip #7: Pay Attention No guide to kissing tips for guys is complete without including a note about paying attention to your partner's response. This is crucial. Pay attention to how he responds to each technique you use. This will let you know what you should do more of and what you might want to remove from your repertoire.

Following these seven simple kissing tips for guys will help you prepare for your next big moment and will assist you in stepping up to the plate with confidence and with your nerves in check. Remember, kissing is supposed to be fun, so relax and enjoy it! ;) ;)

By: Aruzu Khan (Kariaz)

Advice to Gay men Testing Positive for HIV!

Dear All,

Guys this article is Extract of GayBombay listserve. This is a piece of fantastic advice that was posted by Vikram Doctor and therefore I am resending it for everybody's benefit:
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Now That You've Tested Positive...

Now that you have tested (and been confirmed) positive you will need to find at least three kinds of support:

1) A counsellor with some understanding of gay/bi issues and HIV who can help you with the consequences of this for you and your family. Whether you are out or not, or have a supportive environment or not, will all affect your interaction with HIV, and it is best to be prepared for both practical and emotional issues, and a counselor can help with these.

2) A really up to date and knowledgeable HIV/AIDS specialist. This is harder to find than one might imagine despite the large organisational structure for HIV/AIDS. Most private doctors, quite frankly, know nothing about it and the ones with most experiences are in public hospitals. But these are not the easiest of places to visit and in any case their focus is, rightly, on mass treatment, and not quite geared towards someone who is middle class and able to bear some of the expenses of the treatment. In other words, the government/NGO system focuses, as it must, on large scale, free treatment and cannot be adjusted that much to each individual patient. But ideally with a disease like HIV, where each person's prognosis can be very different, this individualised treatment is needed and if you are in a position to get it, you must.

3) A physician who will treat your regular illnesses with some knowledge of your HIV status. While the physician should treat your illnesses for what they are, it is possible that it might be best if it is known that HIV is a background factor, so you need a doctor with some knowledge of this. This may not be that critical at the moment, since you are most likely quite healthy now and will be for a while, and this will not be an issue. At some point in time though it might, but hopefully by then you will be better networked with the HIV support scene. Getting in touch with a HIV support group is also a good option to consider at a later point.


OK, but for now, you need to relax. What's happened isn't wonderful, but its not the end of the world. The problem with HIV is that it comes with all the stigma and fear and in your case this will be multiplied by concerns about your family. But you need to remind yourself that:

a) It is just a disease, it is not a moral judgment on you.

b) It is not fiercely contagious. The saving thing about HIV is, in fact, that it is a virus that is quite hard to get. You need direct contact of certain kinds of bodily fluid - blood, semen, precum (it is there in saliva but at such low levels you don't need to get worked up about it). The virus also dies quite fast outside the body. So you are not risking infecting people by just being around them. (I need hardly say that you have to be careful about sexual partners and if you have had unprotected sex with anyone recently then you might need to consider telling those partners).

c) You can have a quite normal lifespan. One way to look at it is that you have acquired a medical condition like diabetes. This can be serious and cause all kinds of complications if it is not treated, but it is quite possible to treat it and build that treatment into your life.

At some point you will probably need to start taking the drugs and yes, in the past the side effects were not great. But newer treatment regimens have reduced this to a large extent and if you find a good specialist you should be able to increase the chance that you will get a fairly problem free treatment regimen.

As to when you will have to start treatment that is harder to say and it is why a specialist is needed. Please don't listen when doctors says, as they often do, that you only need to start starting treatment when your CD4s cells drop below 200. This is the norm set by the government in connection to administration of free medicines, and it is no surprise that they have chosen a level that makes optimum sense for them (in terms of total cost) as well as the patient.

But you don't have to be bound by this and can decide what will be the optimum point for you. The tendency in the West now is to start treatment much earlier - specialists may recommend starting when CD4s fall below 350, or if they show a rapid decline. Please don't believe one myth that floats around which is that after starting treatment you only have that many years to live. Such claims are based on mass studies, with people who often don't have access to healthy food and living conditions, and this should not apply to you. I hope I don't need to say that you need to focus very strongly on maintaining your health in general. (Alternate healing practices like yoga can't cure HIV, but they can help here, in improving your general health and reducing stress).

What you will have to start doing now and this unfortunately does involve real costs, far more than that of the drugs themselves, is to start monitoring yourself more often. This involves going to a good path lab - I think its best to stick to the large national chains like Metropolis if that's there where you are - and doing a HIV package which will show two things: 1) virus levels and 2) CD4 levels (and other white blood cells). These will vary inversely, but its not easy analysing them - virus levels in particular can vary alarmingly without it meaning much. This is where the specialist is vital.

The cost of the testing package is around Rs4500 and this is an expense you HAVE to find money for, at least in this initial phase as your body gets used to the presence of the virus in it. I would suggest you do tests every 2-3 months for the first year and then, as you get a sense of how the virus is settling down in your body you can do them less, but once every six months is a minimum. The cost of these tests is the real financial blow with HIV and while there has been some work being done on bringing them down or providing free tests at government hospitals, this is all still a problem.

All this is a lot for you to process so please take your time to go through them. Please consider seeing a counsellor to help you deal with personal issues, as well as a good doctor. You will be surprised, once these are in places and you are taking good care of your health and being aware of, but not obsessing, about your condition, how routine it can come to seem. Never entirely routine, of course, but manageable and certainly no reason not lead a normal life.
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