Monday, 7 October 2013
Thursday, 26 September 2013
Op-ed: Human Sexuality Is More Than Gay And Straight - by Pankrut Kapoor
R.J. Aguiar says labels are for mason jars, not people.
I’m in a gay relationship, and in a somewhat public one at that. Not only do all of my friends and family know about my boyfriend, but he and I also document our relationship online across multiple platforms. Thus, it’s only natural that I get asked questions on a pretty regular basis. It’s simply part of being out in a conservative state and across the Internet.
When it comes to these questions, they tend to follow a pretty regular pattern, and that’s fine. However, there’s one conversation I’m forced to have constantly, and it usually starts like this:
“So when did you first realize that you were gay?”
“Well, if you want to get technical, I’m bi … ”
“What? Really??”
“Yeah. I mean, I’m in a committed gay relationship, but I’m technically bisexual.”
The conversation can take off in a number of different directions from there. At worst, I’ll be forced to justify and explain why bisexuality even exists (and living in the South, that’s all too common). At best, I’ll launch into a more philosophical discussion about how we even define bisexuality in the first place. Is it marked by desire or action? Does it include just cisgender people, or is there some wiggle room? What’s to say that you’re not pansexual or omnisexual or… some other classification I have yet to come across? More often than not, the conversation will end the same way: “Call it what you want, but I’m currently in a committed, loving, happy relationship with another man. If anything, I’m Will-sexual” (Will is my boyfriend’s name, if you couldn’t already tell).
This is my experience. I’m bi — someone who is at least included in the most basic of LGBT acronyms. I can only imagine how exhausting it might be for someone who actually does identify as pansexual or polysexual or omnisexual or two-spirit… or anyone else who doesn’t fit perfectly into the gay/straight binary. Too often do I find myself resigning and simply identifying as gay, since it tends to be much easier than constantly having to explain myself. As an LGBT vlogger/blogger, I pretty regularly stumble across categories that I have to Google. I even sometimes jokingly refer to myself as part of the LGBT-EFGHIJKLMNOP movement.
It’s not that I mind including people in the group. Hell, I love the fact that the LGBT etc. community is one that literally anyone can join if they so desire. But too often do I get detailed emails from kids asking me how they should identify. Too often do I find myself scratching my head at what proper classification to use in a given situation. Too often do I hear self-identified gays whine about how “we’d already have our rights by now if we didn’t have to drag so many other people along with us.”
Let me pose this question: Exactly how does this adherence to labels benefit anyone? I realize that we sometimes have boxes that need to be checked and signs that need to be lettered, but at what point does the urge to delineate and classify do more harm than good? It’s bad enough having to discuss and debate precisely where to draw the lines for each category. After all, pretty much every self-identified gay man I’ve met has at least one woman whom they would theoretically sleep with.
So, do I have to actually sleep with someone who is trans or intersex to be considered “pansexual” (or “omnisexual” — I’m not sure if there’s a difference)? Or can I just be attracted to them in theory? Is recognizing their attractiveness enough? Or do I actually have to pop a boner? Do we draw the line just at physical attraction, or does romantic interest also enter into the equation? It’s exhausting, and this is coming from me, someone who considers himself a part of the “group.” Imagine how intimidating it must be for someone sitting on the outside. Or what about the young high schooler who is just discovering their sexuality but has yet to actually explore it physically?
We all know that human sexuality does not fit neatly into two categories, or three, or even five, apparently. Alfred Kinsey gave at least seven, and those categories were still based on the concept that gender is an established and defined binary (which we know it’s not). Again, even if we were to somehow manage to create a classification system that accurately spans the breadth of human sexuality, that still doesn’t solve the problem of how one determines their proper “label.”
I have a friend who identified as bisexual while in high school, since they experimented a tad with both genders. Then, later on, my friend determined that they were straight, and haven’t done any sort of same-sex experimentation since. Does the term “straight” still apply? Or is the same-sex threshold something you can never uncross?
Don’t get me wrong, wearing an LGBT label does have its benefits. It helps establish the collective identity and culture, and helps us be more organized and visible. Hell, the whole “coming out” process, one that’s seen as a crucial rite of passage among our ranks, is pretty much about picking the label that best suits you as a person and then putting it on display for all to see. But with that comes the flip side: One person’s badge of pride is another person’s target. Despite our best intentions, terms like “gay” and “lesbian” and so on can also become insults if slung with enough hatred behind them, thus adding more pressure and anxiety to those looking for a label to wear. How many times have we seen or heard about, for instance, a guy who regularly hooks up with other men but has trouble being labeled as “gay”?
Perhaps we should all borrow from our friends in the trans community. Specifically, how they represent the concept of gender. They teach us that “male” and “female” are not as much labels as they are polarities. Sure, most of the population tends to gravitate toward one direction or another (be it the same as your biological sex or not), but gender is still a spectrum. There’s male identity on one side, female on the other, and an infinite number of possibilities in between. Furthermore, every person, whether intending to or not, opts into this spectrum whether intentionally or not. And even if a person gravitates to one end of the spectrum, it doesn’t mean there aren’t aspects to their personality that are both masculine and feminine. I argue that we need to take a similar approach to sexuality. On the one side, we have “straight.” On the other, we have “gay.” In between are an infinite number of possibilities, and every person opts into this spectrum whether intentionally or not (even asexual people can still get attached). I’m reminded of one of my favorite quotes from the show 30 Rock. An older former broadcaster is walking through the halls at NBC, reminiscing about the old days when “if you wanted to do something private with another man, it wasn’t ‘gay.’ It was just two men who were just celebrating each other’s strength.”
Like I said, signs still need to be lettered, and rallies/parades/festivals still need to take place. That said, why not, instead of perpetually adding letters to our acronym, just get behind a single term that we can all wear proudly? “Queer” perhaps? I’ll leave it up to the powers-that-be to choose a term that satisfies everyone. This not only alleviates the headache of trying to classify something that, by nature, defies classification, but also creates the possibility of including even more people. If sexuality is something that we all participate in, then we can all embrace it and be proud of it. Hetero, homo, bi, tri, omni, pan, poly … we’re all sexual. We’re all human beings looking to connect with others on a physical and emotional level.
I realize that I sound like a hippie, but humor me nonetheless. I still go back to the same question: Exactly how does adherence to labels benefit anyone?
Sure, classifying things makes them easier to understand, and it’s a natural human tendency to want to simplify things to make them easier to comprehend. But is that a behavior that we want to encourage? We already place people into plenty of other boxes based on race, ethnicity, education, income, political affiliation (another example of a less than stable binary). We even create boxes based on our tastes in music and movies and so on (Team Edward or Team Jacob? Are you a Belieber? A Directioner? A Little Monster?). Do we really need to add another? As it stands, none of these labels, including those of sexuality and gender, come close to reflecting the deep complexity that is a human being.
Instead, I say we encourage people to just do as they please, and leave labels for the fashion designers and the spice rack.
R.J. AGUIAR is one half of the blogger couple behind NotAdamAndSteve.com. He and his partner also run a daily YouTube vlog at YouTube.com/shep689.
I’m in a gay relationship, and in a somewhat public one at that. Not only do all of my friends and family know about my boyfriend, but he and I also document our relationship online across multiple platforms. Thus, it’s only natural that I get asked questions on a pretty regular basis. It’s simply part of being out in a conservative state and across the Internet.
When it comes to these questions, they tend to follow a pretty regular pattern, and that’s fine. However, there’s one conversation I’m forced to have constantly, and it usually starts like this:
“So when did you first realize that you were gay?”
“Well, if you want to get technical, I’m bi … ”
“What? Really??”
“Yeah. I mean, I’m in a committed gay relationship, but I’m technically bisexual.”
The conversation can take off in a number of different directions from there. At worst, I’ll be forced to justify and explain why bisexuality even exists (and living in the South, that’s all too common). At best, I’ll launch into a more philosophical discussion about how we even define bisexuality in the first place. Is it marked by desire or action? Does it include just cisgender people, or is there some wiggle room? What’s to say that you’re not pansexual or omnisexual or… some other classification I have yet to come across? More often than not, the conversation will end the same way: “Call it what you want, but I’m currently in a committed, loving, happy relationship with another man. If anything, I’m Will-sexual” (Will is my boyfriend’s name, if you couldn’t already tell).This is my experience. I’m bi — someone who is at least included in the most basic of LGBT acronyms. I can only imagine how exhausting it might be for someone who actually does identify as pansexual or polysexual or omnisexual or two-spirit… or anyone else who doesn’t fit perfectly into the gay/straight binary. Too often do I find myself resigning and simply identifying as gay, since it tends to be much easier than constantly having to explain myself. As an LGBT vlogger/blogger, I pretty regularly stumble across categories that I have to Google. I even sometimes jokingly refer to myself as part of the LGBT-EFGHIJKLMNOP movement.
It’s not that I mind including people in the group. Hell, I love the fact that the LGBT etc. community is one that literally anyone can join if they so desire. But too often do I get detailed emails from kids asking me how they should identify. Too often do I find myself scratching my head at what proper classification to use in a given situation. Too often do I hear self-identified gays whine about how “we’d already have our rights by now if we didn’t have to drag so many other people along with us.”
Let me pose this question: Exactly how does this adherence to labels benefit anyone? I realize that we sometimes have boxes that need to be checked and signs that need to be lettered, but at what point does the urge to delineate and classify do more harm than good? It’s bad enough having to discuss and debate precisely where to draw the lines for each category. After all, pretty much every self-identified gay man I’ve met has at least one woman whom they would theoretically sleep with.
So, do I have to actually sleep with someone who is trans or intersex to be considered “pansexual” (or “omnisexual” — I’m not sure if there’s a difference)? Or can I just be attracted to them in theory? Is recognizing their attractiveness enough? Or do I actually have to pop a boner? Do we draw the line just at physical attraction, or does romantic interest also enter into the equation? It’s exhausting, and this is coming from me, someone who considers himself a part of the “group.” Imagine how intimidating it must be for someone sitting on the outside. Or what about the young high schooler who is just discovering their sexuality but has yet to actually explore it physically?
We all know that human sexuality does not fit neatly into two categories, or three, or even five, apparently. Alfred Kinsey gave at least seven, and those categories were still based on the concept that gender is an established and defined binary (which we know it’s not). Again, even if we were to somehow manage to create a classification system that accurately spans the breadth of human sexuality, that still doesn’t solve the problem of how one determines their proper “label.”
I have a friend who identified as bisexual while in high school, since they experimented a tad with both genders. Then, later on, my friend determined that they were straight, and haven’t done any sort of same-sex experimentation since. Does the term “straight” still apply? Or is the same-sex threshold something you can never uncross?
Don’t get me wrong, wearing an LGBT label does have its benefits. It helps establish the collective identity and culture, and helps us be more organized and visible. Hell, the whole “coming out” process, one that’s seen as a crucial rite of passage among our ranks, is pretty much about picking the label that best suits you as a person and then putting it on display for all to see. But with that comes the flip side: One person’s badge of pride is another person’s target. Despite our best intentions, terms like “gay” and “lesbian” and so on can also become insults if slung with enough hatred behind them, thus adding more pressure and anxiety to those looking for a label to wear. How many times have we seen or heard about, for instance, a guy who regularly hooks up with other men but has trouble being labeled as “gay”?
Perhaps we should all borrow from our friends in the trans community. Specifically, how they represent the concept of gender. They teach us that “male” and “female” are not as much labels as they are polarities. Sure, most of the population tends to gravitate toward one direction or another (be it the same as your biological sex or not), but gender is still a spectrum. There’s male identity on one side, female on the other, and an infinite number of possibilities in between. Furthermore, every person, whether intending to or not, opts into this spectrum whether intentionally or not. And even if a person gravitates to one end of the spectrum, it doesn’t mean there aren’t aspects to their personality that are both masculine and feminine. I argue that we need to take a similar approach to sexuality. On the one side, we have “straight.” On the other, we have “gay.” In between are an infinite number of possibilities, and every person opts into this spectrum whether intentionally or not (even asexual people can still get attached). I’m reminded of one of my favorite quotes from the show 30 Rock. An older former broadcaster is walking through the halls at NBC, reminiscing about the old days when “if you wanted to do something private with another man, it wasn’t ‘gay.’ It was just two men who were just celebrating each other’s strength.”
Like I said, signs still need to be lettered, and rallies/parades/festivals still need to take place. That said, why not, instead of perpetually adding letters to our acronym, just get behind a single term that we can all wear proudly? “Queer” perhaps? I’ll leave it up to the powers-that-be to choose a term that satisfies everyone. This not only alleviates the headache of trying to classify something that, by nature, defies classification, but also creates the possibility of including even more people. If sexuality is something that we all participate in, then we can all embrace it and be proud of it. Hetero, homo, bi, tri, omni, pan, poly … we’re all sexual. We’re all human beings looking to connect with others on a physical and emotional level.
I realize that I sound like a hippie, but humor me nonetheless. I still go back to the same question: Exactly how does adherence to labels benefit anyone?
Sure, classifying things makes them easier to understand, and it’s a natural human tendency to want to simplify things to make them easier to comprehend. But is that a behavior that we want to encourage? We already place people into plenty of other boxes based on race, ethnicity, education, income, political affiliation (another example of a less than stable binary). We even create boxes based on our tastes in music and movies and so on (Team Edward or Team Jacob? Are you a Belieber? A Directioner? A Little Monster?). Do we really need to add another? As it stands, none of these labels, including those of sexuality and gender, come close to reflecting the deep complexity that is a human being.
Instead, I say we encourage people to just do as they please, and leave labels for the fashion designers and the spice rack.
R.J. AGUIAR is one half of the blogger couple behind NotAdamAndSteve.com. He and his partner also run a daily YouTube vlog at YouTube.com/shep689.
Gay Teens Can Survive a Break Up! - By Pankrut Kapoor
Breaking up is rarely fun. Neither is figuring out what to do after a relationship is dead and buried. Do you cut your ex off completely? Try to stay friends? Hook-up from time to time? There's no one answer that works for everyone.
But for gay teens there is often an added complication: your ex might be one of the few people who you were out to or who supported you for being gay. Add that to the fact that you simply might not know a lot of GLBT teens, and the option to totally break off communication with an ex often becomes a tricky one. As a result of lot of gay teens stay friends with someone they used to date. But whether or not that's what you decide, you still need to deal with how you feel about the relationship ending.
Our Guide to Teen Advice offers these 7 tips to surviving a break-up:Be Nice To Yourself
Accept Your Single Status
Recognize and Release Your Feelings
Remember Your Ex's Flaws
Get a New Hobby
Don't Obsess About What Went Wrong
If possible, try to find someone you can talk to about what you are going to. If you aren't comfortable talking to a family member or friend, consider talking to a counselor. Another option is to reach out to other gay teens in the group WE4YOU. A lot of them have gone through break-ups of their own and can offer advice, not to mention commiseration.
Life without benefits for India’s gay couples - by Pankrut Kapoor
When Edith Windsor, an 83-year old New York resident, lost her partner Thea Spyer in 2009, she was slapped with a $363,000 tax bill. Despite being married in Canada — where same-sex marriage is legal — in 2007 after a 40-year relationship, the US government invoked the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) against Windsor.
Because of the 1996 law, which outlaws same-sex marriage, a hefty tax was levied on her late wife’s estate — a tax Windsor would not have had to pay had she been married to a man. Defiant, she took her case to the Supreme Court, where she argued last week that DOMA violates the US Constitution.
Same-sex couples in India can only dream of fighting for equal rights the way Windsor is doing. Benefits such as tax deductions, inheritance and pensions in case of the spouse’s death — all available to heterosexual couples under the law — are denied to gay unions.
Countries such as Belgium, Spain and the Netherlands grant such rights to all couples, gay or straight.
For Sridhar, 50, a Mumbai-based filmmaker who lives with his partner of 19 years, the lack of legal rights is a serious problem. “So many forces are already trying to pull a gay couple apart; if I can’t even share my income and assets with my partner, what does he do in a moment of crisis? This is one of the reasons why our relationships are so fragile,” he said.
Sridhar's issues find wider resonance in the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) community. A 2012 study by the World Bank, Amaltas (a development consultancy), and the Humsafar Trust, a gay rights organisation, revealed that civil entitlements of “safe spaces, social security, property and inheritance” are the community's top priorities in India.
Senior advocate Anand Grover, who led the 2009 case for the repeal of Article 377, which criminalised homosexuality, feels there is a long way to go before gay couples can achieve legal equality. “In case there is no will, the ‘partner’ has no legal rights of inheritance,” he said. The list goes on: No claims on pension after the partner’s death, no tax deductions in case the partner is not working. “For instance, a working heterosexual partner can pay insurance premium, PPF or NSS on behalf of the spouse and children and get a deduction, but this doesn't apply to homosexual unions,” he added.
Attitudes take even longer to change than laws. Bullied at school for being 'different', Gautam Dhawan said he still faces discrimination. “My partner is not even regarded as a next of kin for health and medical decisions,” said the 36-year old interior designer, who has been in a relationship for a year.
Even the most basic services, such as opening a joint bank account, are almost impossible for same-sex couples. Highlighting the legal quagmires they face in the country, Ashok Row Kavi, writer-founder of Bombay Dost, India’s first gay magazine, said, “In case of inheritance, if a Muslim gay man dies, his will would not be respected and Muslim law gets primacy unless the partner had an affidavit declaring he is not a practicing Muslim and an apostate. It’s not better for Hindus – different castes have different laws.”
“India still a long way to go to recognise equal rights for women; equalising gay marriage is a far way off,” lamented Dhawan.
Because of the 1996 law, which outlaws same-sex marriage, a hefty tax was levied on her late wife’s estate — a tax Windsor would not have had to pay had she been married to a man. Defiant, she took her case to the Supreme Court, where she argued last week that DOMA violates the US Constitution.
Same-sex couples in India can only dream of fighting for equal rights the way Windsor is doing. Benefits such as tax deductions, inheritance and pensions in case of the spouse’s death — all available to heterosexual couples under the law — are denied to gay unions.
Countries such as Belgium, Spain and the Netherlands grant such rights to all couples, gay or straight.
For Sridhar, 50, a Mumbai-based filmmaker who lives with his partner of 19 years, the lack of legal rights is a serious problem. “So many forces are already trying to pull a gay couple apart; if I can’t even share my income and assets with my partner, what does he do in a moment of crisis? This is one of the reasons why our relationships are so fragile,” he said.
Sridhar's issues find wider resonance in the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) community. A 2012 study by the World Bank, Amaltas (a development consultancy), and the Humsafar Trust, a gay rights organisation, revealed that civil entitlements of “safe spaces, social security, property and inheritance” are the community's top priorities in India.
Senior advocate Anand Grover, who led the 2009 case for the repeal of Article 377, which criminalised homosexuality, feels there is a long way to go before gay couples can achieve legal equality. “In case there is no will, the ‘partner’ has no legal rights of inheritance,” he said. The list goes on: No claims on pension after the partner’s death, no tax deductions in case the partner is not working. “For instance, a working heterosexual partner can pay insurance premium, PPF or NSS on behalf of the spouse and children and get a deduction, but this doesn't apply to homosexual unions,” he added.
Attitudes take even longer to change than laws. Bullied at school for being 'different', Gautam Dhawan said he still faces discrimination. “My partner is not even regarded as a next of kin for health and medical decisions,” said the 36-year old interior designer, who has been in a relationship for a year.
Even the most basic services, such as opening a joint bank account, are almost impossible for same-sex couples. Highlighting the legal quagmires they face in the country, Ashok Row Kavi, writer-founder of Bombay Dost, India’s first gay magazine, said, “In case of inheritance, if a Muslim gay man dies, his will would not be respected and Muslim law gets primacy unless the partner had an affidavit declaring he is not a practicing Muslim and an apostate. It’s not better for Hindus – different castes have different laws.”
“India still a long way to go to recognise equal rights for women; equalising gay marriage is a far way off,” lamented Dhawan.
How to Handle the Stress of Betrayal - by Pankrut Kapoor
[beh-tray] to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling; to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to
Steps
1. Take a moment to establish the facts: Sometimes, when your head is spinning and your heart is beating in your throat all you can do is feel a flood of emotion that blocks your every single sense besides a mix of confusion and some kind of negativity including pain. After you've had a moment (or a lot of moments) to circulate some fresh oxygen into your system (preferably outside) you need to sit down and establish the facts for yourself- not to share with anyone else, but just honestly with yourself. FACTS. not feelings.
2. Group the facts into groups: Happened, is happening, will happen.
3. Consider the first group: happened- past tense. Some people have the innate ability to shove that in the trash seeing as there is nothing they can do to change that. If you're not one of those people, then you need to sort out for yourself what that means for you and whether that meaning is important enough for you to hold on to in your precious small space called 'hope'.
4. Consider the second group: is happening- present tense. Think about what it is that will affect you directly (materialistically) and indirectly (emotionally). Now assess whether or not this is something you can control. If so, then this is where willpower comes in. If not, then you need to step back and look at yourself as a person independent of the situation to then impartially apply yourself to the solution.
5. Consider the last group: will happen- future tense. How long will you remember this, not factually, but soulfully? A week? A month? A year? A lifetime? Some things break our lives in the present and ruin our future yet disappear before they themselves can travel there with us. These things are not worth your time and have the ability to ruin you if you let them. If it is something that defines you for your lifetime, let it define you. Your choice is now HOW. Let it break you or fuel you?
Tips
Friends, family, someone you can trust are very good for helping you through this process
Stopping your life to conduct this process will hurt you even more than the betrayal, guaranteed
Steps
1. Take a moment to establish the facts: Sometimes, when your head is spinning and your heart is beating in your throat all you can do is feel a flood of emotion that blocks your every single sense besides a mix of confusion and some kind of negativity including pain. After you've had a moment (or a lot of moments) to circulate some fresh oxygen into your system (preferably outside) you need to sit down and establish the facts for yourself- not to share with anyone else, but just honestly with yourself. FACTS. not feelings.
2. Group the facts into groups: Happened, is happening, will happen.
3. Consider the first group: happened- past tense. Some people have the innate ability to shove that in the trash seeing as there is nothing they can do to change that. If you're not one of those people, then you need to sort out for yourself what that means for you and whether that meaning is important enough for you to hold on to in your precious small space called 'hope'.
4. Consider the second group: is happening- present tense. Think about what it is that will affect you directly (materialistically) and indirectly (emotionally). Now assess whether or not this is something you can control. If so, then this is where willpower comes in. If not, then you need to step back and look at yourself as a person independent of the situation to then impartially apply yourself to the solution.
5. Consider the last group: will happen- future tense. How long will you remember this, not factually, but soulfully? A week? A month? A year? A lifetime? Some things break our lives in the present and ruin our future yet disappear before they themselves can travel there with us. These things are not worth your time and have the ability to ruin you if you let them. If it is something that defines you for your lifetime, let it define you. Your choice is now HOW. Let it break you or fuel you?
Tips
Friends, family, someone you can trust are very good for helping you through this process
Stopping your life to conduct this process will hurt you even more than the betrayal, guaranteed
Survival Guide for Gay Long-Distance Relationships - By Pankrut Kapoor
It's summertime, and because the majority of the gay population doesn't have kids, we spend what would have been the diaper money on lavish vacations or spur-of-the-moment excursions. We hope that the palm trees, signature cocktails, and endless parades of hard bodies on the beach will fill the voids in our childless lives.
And it works. Hurrah!
However, with such trips comes the chance (or hope) that you'll meet a sun-kissed stranger who will knock you off your feet. After that dizzying first encounter, the two of you will stay up all night talking. You'll share romantic walks, hand in hand in the moonlit surf (until the scary meth addict on the beach starts chasing you). You'll get a glimpse into one another's lives, loves, and hopes. Then, all too quickly, it's time to head to the airport. The holiday romance comes to an abrupt end. It's utter torture. "Why does he have to live in another city/state/country? God, Mom, it's so unfair!"
You savor the last night of passion together, stress over the long, drawn-out farewell, and force a solitary tear from your eye just to prove to him that, dammit, this really meant something! Then, at the last moment, you have an epiphany! "Maybe we can make this work! Maybe we can have a long-distance relationship that lasts until our separate lives collide and we can live in eternal bliss, together." If you have made it this far, you're either riding high on endorphins or you might have actually found the one. Either way, here are a few tips to keeping it together long enough to find out:
Purchase cleaning wipes in bulk. Typing and Skyping with lubey fingers will only lead to damaged keys and smudged screens. You don't want to explain to the Geek Squad why your laptop keeps sliding out of their hands -- to say nothing of what can be found on your hard drive.
Don't analyze every photo of him on Facebook. That image of your new beau being led around on a leash at the leather festival in the gimp mask and ball gag might be entirely innocent.
Encourage him to send erotic photos of himself, and be sure to return the favor. Agree that all photos will be deleted after they have been used for their "purpose." Unless, that is, he is a member of GOProud, in which case, save them for later public humiliation. Consider these photos a bigger bus than the one he will eventually try to throw you under. (Sorry, I have issues with these people.)
Keep in mind that geographical separation is often accompanied by differences in time. Failure to consider this may result in unanticipated bitchiness. No one wants a call at 5 a.m. asking, "Whatcha doin'?" in a cutesy voice. It disturbs dreams of shagging Jason Stackhouse then stealing his shirts and will only lead to arguments later.
Never text when drunk, as autocorrect and predictive text can be a hazard. One inconvenient correction can be dismissed as a mistake, but sequential messages of "Bash your hard coal on my face," and "I can't wait to ride your coal again" don't make sense, at best, and at worst, they make it look like you have some sort of fetish for Welsh miners.
Choose a tune that you consider "your song" to serve as a musical reminder of your love. Then immediately play it to death until the words lose all meaning. In 10 years, if all goes well, it could be your wedding song. But in the unfortunate event that the relationship has ended, when it comes over the speakers in Nordstrom, you can drop to the floor in dramatic fashion and weep about the one who got away. Then wait for the discounts from the empathetic sales staff.
Don't get too irate when you can't reach him. I know it's hard not to assume the very worst when there has been no contact for more than 10 whole minutes, but chances are he's busy. Or maybe he's just at the park having a delightful picnic with an anchorman's boyfriend. (I love you, Andy! Call me.)
Don't let your single friends' opinions drive you into thinking this won't work. They will crucify you for not being available to go cruising with them. If they can't find love, happiness, and companionship with a headless torso 236-plus feet away, who the hell are they to judge you?
The one who travels to the other should have first pick of position. It's only polite and really should be universally observed gay etiquette.
Value the precious times you get to spend visiting the city he calls home. If you run into one of his ex-boyfriends while you're out, remain calm, polite, and friendly. Resist the urge to scream, "He told me all about that thing you like to do, and I think you're a freak!" You also won't make yourself look good by pointing and calling anyone "Jack Nasty!"
Most importantly, despite all the challenges, your long-distance romance will work if you want it to work. And if it doesn't, well, you haven't worked hard enough at it, and you're destined to be alone for the rest of your life. Never mind, eh? Remember, you soon will have a trip to Fire Island, Rehoboth, Provincetown, Sitges, Puerto Vallarta, Brighton, or an Atlantis cruise where you can find yet another man of your dreams.
I am sure that this works just as well for lesbians. Just throw in the words "marriage" or "flannel" every once in a while until it suits your needs.
Hopefully these tips will come in handy for some of you on vacation this summer. Enjoy!
And it works. Hurrah!
You savor the last night of passion together, stress over the long, drawn-out farewell, and force a solitary tear from your eye just to prove to him that, dammit, this really meant something! Then, at the last moment, you have an epiphany! "Maybe we can make this work! Maybe we can have a long-distance relationship that lasts until our separate lives collide and we can live in eternal bliss, together." If you have made it this far, you're either riding high on endorphins or you might have actually found the one. Either way, here are a few tips to keeping it together long enough to find out:
Purchase cleaning wipes in bulk. Typing and Skyping with lubey fingers will only lead to damaged keys and smudged screens. You don't want to explain to the Geek Squad why your laptop keeps sliding out of their hands -- to say nothing of what can be found on your hard drive.
Don't analyze every photo of him on Facebook. That image of your new beau being led around on a leash at the leather festival in the gimp mask and ball gag might be entirely innocent.
Encourage him to send erotic photos of himself, and be sure to return the favor. Agree that all photos will be deleted after they have been used for their "purpose." Unless, that is, he is a member of GOProud, in which case, save them for later public humiliation. Consider these photos a bigger bus than the one he will eventually try to throw you under. (Sorry, I have issues with these people.)
Keep in mind that geographical separation is often accompanied by differences in time. Failure to consider this may result in unanticipated bitchiness. No one wants a call at 5 a.m. asking, "Whatcha doin'?" in a cutesy voice. It disturbs dreams of shagging Jason Stackhouse then stealing his shirts and will only lead to arguments later.
Never text when drunk, as autocorrect and predictive text can be a hazard. One inconvenient correction can be dismissed as a mistake, but sequential messages of "Bash your hard coal on my face," and "I can't wait to ride your coal again" don't make sense, at best, and at worst, they make it look like you have some sort of fetish for Welsh miners.
Choose a tune that you consider "your song" to serve as a musical reminder of your love. Then immediately play it to death until the words lose all meaning. In 10 years, if all goes well, it could be your wedding song. But in the unfortunate event that the relationship has ended, when it comes over the speakers in Nordstrom, you can drop to the floor in dramatic fashion and weep about the one who got away. Then wait for the discounts from the empathetic sales staff.
Don't get too irate when you can't reach him. I know it's hard not to assume the very worst when there has been no contact for more than 10 whole minutes, but chances are he's busy. Or maybe he's just at the park having a delightful picnic with an anchorman's boyfriend. (I love you, Andy! Call me.)
Don't let your single friends' opinions drive you into thinking this won't work. They will crucify you for not being available to go cruising with them. If they can't find love, happiness, and companionship with a headless torso 236-plus feet away, who the hell are they to judge you?
The one who travels to the other should have first pick of position. It's only polite and really should be universally observed gay etiquette.
Value the precious times you get to spend visiting the city he calls home. If you run into one of his ex-boyfriends while you're out, remain calm, polite, and friendly. Resist the urge to scream, "He told me all about that thing you like to do, and I think you're a freak!" You also won't make yourself look good by pointing and calling anyone "Jack Nasty!"
Most importantly, despite all the challenges, your long-distance romance will work if you want it to work. And if it doesn't, well, you haven't worked hard enough at it, and you're destined to be alone for the rest of your life. Never mind, eh? Remember, you soon will have a trip to Fire Island, Rehoboth, Provincetown, Sitges, Puerto Vallarta, Brighton, or an Atlantis cruise where you can find yet another man of your dreams.
I am sure that this works just as well for lesbians. Just throw in the words "marriage" or "flannel" every once in a while until it suits your needs.
Hopefully these tips will come in handy for some of you on vacation this summer. Enjoy!
WHY ARE SO MANY BI GUYS IN THE CLOSET? by Pankrut Kapoor
A recent article in the L.A. Times tries to make sense of a Pew Research Center survey revealing that the majority of bisexuals remains closeted.In the survey, only 12% of bisexual men said that most or all of the important people in their lives knew about their sexual orientation, compared to 77% of gay men. Wow.
As for being out in the workplace, only 11% of bisexual people polled by Pew said that most of their closest coworkers knew about their sexual orientation, compared to 48% of gay men.
The Times learned that some closeted bisexuals had avoided coming out because they didn't want to deal with the misconceptions and stereotypes that bisexuals were, among other things, indecisive, confused, opportunistic, privileged, incapable of monogamy, or just going through a "bi now, gay later" phase.
Do you know any out bisexuals? Why do you think bi guys are so uncomfortable being out?
Why Men Need To Feel Their Feelings
Why Men Need To Feel Their Feelings
I was emotionally shut down for years. Every woman I dated had to deal with my inability to identify a feeling. She would ask, “Hey is something bothering you?” I would reply, “No, I’m fine” with a hint of defensiveness.
The closest I ever came to identifying what was really going on was “I’m in a funk.” Many folks know this as feeling off somehow or my personal favorite, “I’m in a bad mood.”
Underneath such comments is an entire emotional landscape that remains largely unexplored. The metaphor I like to use is that of a lake.
Venture beyond the shoreline and even more possibility opens up. The lake takes on a new perspective. Looking beyond the reflection, it becomes three dimensional and you can see below the surface.
We are very similar. When we are upset, it is hard to see things clearly. The only way to see things clearly is to take some space from the upset, calm down, and gain a new perspective. Why am I mentioning this metaphor?
Because feeling helps you see clearly. And seeing clearly helps you move more freely toward what you want in your life. And when you get what you want, you are more fulfilled.
But Why Is It So Hard For Dudes to Feel?
Contrary to some big generalizations out there, men do in fact feel, but most men were trained as little boys by the “boy code” to not feel. They were trained and taught to suck it up, not cry, etc. For example, as a boy I was trained by my dad and my culture to not feel. To feel meant I would be judged as a wimp, a girl, or even gay. (As if girls or gay people are somehow bad?) So, men do feel, it’s just challenging for many men to know what they are feeling.
So, it’s understandable why many men don’t allow themselves to feel and can’t even identify a feeling. Many adult men are still very scared to feel their feelings because if they do, their fear is they will be judged as not manly, acting like a girl or being weak or gay.
So, most men never venture out beyond the shoreline and certainly don’t look below the surface. Therefore, many men remain locked up, shut down, and not free.
The Cost of Not Being Willing to Feel
1. relationship blues
Sadly, these old fears keep many men locked up around their feelings and lead to very frustrating relationships for women dating these men. Rather than dive in to the unknown waters of intimacy, men stay on the shore, where it is safe. But as any sailor will tell you, a ship in a harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for (a William Shedd quote).
Moreover, men who shut down or stuff their feelings remain emotionally constipated and have very little facility or freedom when it comes to intimacy. Then, they keep resisting actual help like couples counseling.
2. narrow bandwidth of expression.
If you never let yourself feel grief, anger, sadness and other “negative” emotions, you will have less access to the “positive” emotions such as joy, love, and happiness. The waters you are able to swim and navigate are more shallow. For example, if you avoid “negative” emotions, you might experience some happiness but the depth with which you feel it is limited.
3. you are not free.
Staying on the shore, you never really get to test if your vessel is seaworthy. Freedom is the open water of who you are, not the shore.
4. physical problems.
Most body workers, massage therapists, and good body-centered, somatic therapists know that the body holds and stores trauma and unexpressed emotion. The more you hold, the more the body has to carry the burden. Your boat begins to decay having never touched water. Stoic men who never learn to feel, are simply in pain.
5. You are less available to give and receive love.
If you shut yourself off from your own emotions and never “set sail,” you’ll never know what it is like to swim or sail. The endless terrain that is available to you will remain a distant dream. If you want to feel more love, try feeling all your feelings. Try exploring what lies below the surface farther from the shore.
For the brave who do decide to face the unknown lake of discomfort and painful emotion, what you will experience may shock you. Try it and see what happens. To me it’s something like an elixir.
But Where Do I Start?
1. Get quiet: When you are upset or “in a funk” sit down or lie down and be still. You cannot see below the surface until you are still. Meditation is a tool that can help.
2. Get Curious: Start with the facts before you begin to interpret or try to figure it out. Target three main areas:
a. Thoughts: When did it start? Ask yourself when this feeling started? Was it the fight with your partner last week? Was it a call with your parents? An ex-lover? Did something piss you off at work? Where are your thoughts going and what are they like?
b. Emotions: What does it feel like? Explore the feeling quality and the sensation that goes along with it. Is it hot? Cold? Tight? Humming? Vibrating? Tense? Soft, Achy? Does it have a color? A tone? Does it radiate? Is it dense? Thick?
c. Body sensations: Where in your body do you feel it? Is it in your throat? Gut? Chest? Where does it live?
3. Take responsibility for what you are feeling: Name it, begin to articulate it with a friend. For example, “Wow, for the last few days I was locked up. Now I know that it started when ____happened. I have felt tense and irritated ever since. I feel shut down and I don’t want to be around anyone.”
4. Notice what your default behavior is when you feel this way. When you find yourself “in a funk” do you numb out with TV? food? sugar? porn? masturbation? alcohol? drugs? Or do you isolate? Or both?
5. Choose to feel it until it changes. Have the balls to turn toward it. After all, what is the worst thing that could happen?
Want to feel more love and lightness in your life? Then start saying “yes” to feelings you have been saying “no” to. Invite them in and get to know them. As psychotherapist John Welwood says, befriend your emotions.
Why Is It Still A Big Deal When Boys Play With Girls' Toys ?
Why Is It Still A Big Deal When Boys Play With Girls' Toys ?
When a friend's son asked her for a pink floral bike helmet, she lied and told him they didn't have the floral ones in his size. He went home with a plain blue one instead.
"I hate myself for doing it," she tells me. "But I worry that he'll get teased."
By contrast, when I encourage my daughter to transgress her gender role and take part in stereotypically male activities, like going to soccer lessons or playing a doctor rather than a nurse in her imagination games, I get nods of approval.
In fact, it's now cool to get your daughter to play with trucks and balls rather than, say, a Dream Barbie Rainbow-Shitting Pony. (OK, so I made that bit up; everybody knows that Barbie's pony poos pink diamonds.)
In some cases there is an active push away from letting girls be "girly," but at other times it happens by default when we praise traditional male behaviors more than female ones.
But when it comes to breaking down gender stereotypes, we're on a strictly one-way street because, by contrast, feminine behavior in boys is mostly discouraged. At best, it is tolerated.
We smile supportively at the mother who lets her son wear pink fairy wings to the library but secretly think she is courageous. Other mothers may not judge her, but they also don't actively encourage their sons to do the same.
Deviations from the script for raising boys are so unusual that when it does happen a social media sensation can ensue.
Remember when German father Nils Pickert wore a skirt in support of his dress-wearing son and the media went crazy with supporters and detractors? And when a mother let her son wear pink ballet flats to school? She got a write-up in Time magazine.
Just a couple weeks ago, a father who bought his son a princess DVD was described as "awesome" and "Father of The Year." By contrast, buying my daughter a truck is so mainstream that not one person called me a hero for my efforts.
Even the re-purposing of girl toys into boy toys, such as Hasbro’s plans for a toy oven for boys, is sufficiently revolutionary to make news. (Scientists are still trying to figure out why boys can't use a "girl" oven.)
By only half-addressing the gender stereotype problem we further instil inequality between the sexes. Privileging tropes of masculinity sends a message to our children that "male" is both natural and superior; that it is more interesting, more fun, and will make us prouder if our girls become something that they never can be—a boy.
No, I'm not suggesting that we should try to empower pink. Nor am I advocating some vacuous Girl Power. But there is a subtle, yet important, difference in encouraging our girls to be strong girls rather than second-rate boys. Otherwise, we risk our girls internalizing the belief that boys are better than girls and that, therefore, they are not entitled to the same privileges that boys and men enjoy. It's hard to fight for equality of opportunity if deep down you don't think you're good enough to deserve it.
And it's no victory for boys, either, because it continues to constrain them within the same narrow, emotionally- and creatively-stunted models of masculinity.
Traditional masculine attributes have social and economic currency so it's a no-brainer to want our children to possess them. But similarly, traditional feminine qualities such as compassion, empathy, attention to detail, and communication are worth celebrating, preserving, and encouraging in children of both sexes.
It's time that equality became a two-way street to the extent that parents encouraging sons to adopt stereotypically feminine attributes and attitudes is considered too normal and dull to provoke headlines.
The Sex Education I Wish I Had:
The Sex Education I Wish I Had:
So I have had almost zero formal sex education.When I was 10, our teacher held the girls back at break time and solemnly informed us that we were due to start bleeding out of our vaginas any day now. If this happened while we were in school, we were to tell NO ONE but immediately locate the nearest female teacher, who would provide us with something to soak up THE SHAME OF OUR WOMB. She did not actually say that last bit, but even at 10 years old, I felt it was strongly implied. This was my first introduction to periods.
When I was fourteen, our science teacher skipped over the chapter on the reproductive system. She told us it was very unlikely to come up in our exams next year, and even if it does, you’ll have lots of questions to choose from so you can just skip it. I stared at the diagram of the penis in the book for a while. There was no diagram of the vagina, only the ovaries and uterus.
The same year, a lady from Tampax came to speak to us about periods and gave us heavily branded booklets about growing into our new bodies. At this point, I was wearing a C cup and I’d been using tampons for over two years, so it felt a bit belated. Nobody had any questions at the end of the talk.When I was seventeen, we had 40 minutes of “Health Ed” class every two weeks. There was no syllabus, but our teacher was smart and engaged. He led a lot of interesting discussions—about drinking, drugs, smoking, bullying, about stress and good study habits, depression, body image, more drugs, more bullying—but something was notably missing from the laundry list of things 17-year-old girls typically worry about.
And that was it. I could definitely blame this on growing up in Ireland, a country so deeply steeped in Catholicism that it’s difficult to find a school where saying prayers in morning assembly is not the norm. But a friend of mine also went to an all-girls convent school, and she did have a sex ed class. Which apparently involved trying to put a condom on a banana with one hand.
I’ve started thinking about the sex education I wish I’d had. I even went as far as drafting a syllabus, because I’m obsessive like that, but I will not inflict it on the Internet because I’m not an educator and also it’s five pages long. But I will show you my wish list. Because maybe it’s just my inner Hermione Granger talking, but I do wish there’d been a class.
I wish there was a class that laid out the hard facts. All the different bits and what they do and where they can go. I wish there’d been a class that busted all the myths and laid bare all the slang, so I didn’t have to rely on furtively searching Urban Dictionary on a dial-up connection on the family PC.
I wish I’d been taught that even though the definition of sexual intercourse is a penis going into a vagina, there are lots of different ways to have sex and most people will develop their own personal definition as they get older.
I wish I’d been taught that there is nothing morally wrong with having sex. I wish I’d been taught that virginity is not something that can be “taken” or “lost” and that you still retain all your intrinsic worth as a human after you’ve had sex for the first time.
I wish there’d been a full diagram of a vagina ANYWHERE in my young teenage life. I wish someone had told me what my “clit” was so I didn’t have to use Google just to find out where the fucking thing was hiding.
I wish I’d been taught that masturbation is completely and totally normal, to the point that it’s almost banal, and also maybe been given some pointers.
I wish the boys had not been sent out of the room when we had our talk about the menstrual cycle, because one too many men have asked me, you know, what’s, like, the deal with periods? I wish women didn’t feel the need to refer to perfectly natural processes in our bodies as “Auntie Flo” or “my time of the month” or whatever other coy euphemism we use to shield the menfolk from the TERRIBLE KNOWLEDGE OF THE BLOOD MOON CULT. I’m grateful we don’t have to sit in a hut outside the village anymore, but I also wish frankly mentioning my ovulation cramps was not considered a bit risqué in polite society.
I wish there was an incredibly detailed class on the entire reproductive system and it was mandatory learning for every single person on the planet, because then maybe there wouldn’t be so many middle-aged middle-class men making bizarre statements about the things my womb can and can’t do.
I wish someone had explained the difference between gender, sex, and sexuality and why those distinctions are important. I didn’t know anything about that until I got around to reading Judith Butler as part of my degree, and the idea that gender is fluid should not have been a mind-blowing revelation for my 20-year-old self.
I wish someone had given me the full break down on contraception—the different types available, how they work, how to use them, where to get them. I wish the first time I handled a condom was not also the first time I helped a guy put one on.
I wish there was an awareness of gay people and bisexual people and queer people and trans people and the fact that they have different experiences of sex, which are also perfectly natural and normal and valid, because then rampant homophobia would probably be less of a thing among 15-year-olds.
I wish that we’d been taught about STIs, but without the typical level of hysteria and shame that accompanies any discussion surrounding teenagers and STIs. I wish someone had explained that there is risk involved in having sex, just like there is risk involved in playing sports or driving a car. That does not mean we should never ever do these things, it just means we need to be smart and follow the rules so we can manage those risks effectively.
I wish someone had sat us all down very seriously and explained that sex is not a zero-sum game between men and women, nor is it a competition, nor is it a commodity, something that women bestow on men in exchange for dinner and flowers (and therefore women who don’t bestow in a timely manner are in breach of contract, the cock-teasing sluts)
wish that, in the same lesson, we’d been taught that a man and a woman with an identical sexual history will be treated very differently by society, and that’s not fair or OK and we should be aware of this in the way we talk about sex.
I wish I’d heard ANYTHING about the concept of consent before I started actively seeking out feminist writing. I wish we’d talked about how pressuring or manipulating someone into having sex with you is coercion. I wish that we’d been told that if someone is too drunk or high to speak in coherent sentences, walk in a straight line, stay awake, or take care of themselves, they are not able to consent and having sex with them anyway makes you a rapist. I wish there was an emphasis on the fact that sex should always be something that happens between people who are enthusiastic and comfortable and happy to be there, and that nobody should settle for anything less than that. I wish all of these things were just common knowledge and good sense, instead of constantly being dismissed as a radical feminist agenda.
Most of all, I wish I’d grown up in an environment where my peers and I felt comfortable discussing sex and asking questions, because then maybe none of the above would ever have been scary or mysterious. I wish we had classroom discussions about sex and exams on sex and reflective essays on sex and it was all as normal and interesting and important as algebra or poetry.
Now I’m a clued-in 20-something woman who talks more openly about sex than most people are comfortable with. But it took me a long time and a lot of hassle to get here
Wednesday, 17 April 2013
Tuesday, 16 April 2013
7 Ways to Wear White - by Pankrut Kapoor
The scorching summers call for colours that brighten up your day, but even the mention of the colour white gives you that calm soothing feeling. A colour synonymous to all seasons, white will keep you cool this summer or cosy during winters. Let’s look at some ways to include white in your wardrobe and create different looks this season.
1. All white makes Jack a happy man
A certain 70's actor comes to mind when you think of an all-white look. White pants and a white T-shirt broken down by a subtle coloured shoe or accessories can make for the perfect summer attire if carried off well.
2. White pants
Chose white cotton or linen pants for a relaxed and laidback look and team it with a printed or solid coloured shirt with rolled up sleeves. Go sockless with loafers or sandals; add a hat, and you're all set to beat the heat in style.
3. Top it up
While a white shirt will cool you down on a sunny day, team it with printed trousers in pastel colours to up your style. Avoid wearing denims when you have so many other options to choose from which are also summer-friendly.
4. White Blazer
Whether it’s an engagement brunch or a summer party in the outdoors, the white suit needs to come out in the open. Temperature rise calls for white and a white blazer is the perfect choice for a formal occasion to look smart and cool.
5. Traditional Cool
Go the traditional-modern way by wearing a plain white kurta and blue jeans for a casual day of work and play. Accessorise with shades or add some colour with a chain or sandals.
6. Accessorise
If white is a bit too plain for you and been worn throughout the week, try adding it to your outfit in the form of small accessories. Shades with a white frame have a retro feel and look super cool. White shoes too are appealing to the eyes, if kept clean of course.
7. White-ish
If you still want some colour, add it on to your whites. Wear coloured prints like stripes on your whites. White T shirts with witty one-liners on it can also be cool, of course if your humour
is good. No need to go completely white as long as the main element is white which is balanced out with some prints. Do clothes really define or change your mood? Well research says they do, so put on your white pants and keep it cool. Just remember to also keep it really clean.
Monday, 15 April 2013
Leadership - Isaac Newton
"If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants."
Maurice (1987)
7.5/10 IMDb Rating
After his lover rejects him, a young man trapped by the oppressiveness of Edwardian society tries to come to terms with and accept his sexuality. (140 mins.)
Director: James Ivory
Stars: James Wilby, Rupert Graves, Hugh Grant, Denholm Elliott
Mysterious Skin (2004)
Mysterious Skin (2004)
7.7/10 IMDb Rating
A teenage hustler and a young man obsessed with alien abductions cross paths, together discovering a horrible, liberating truth. (105 mins.)
Director: Gregg Araki
Stars: Brady Corbet, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Elisabeth Shue, Chase Ellison
Logging Out - Nakshatra
''Logging Out'', My first queer themed short movie! :)
OFFICIAL SELECTION at KASHISH MIQFF 2012
OFFICIAL SELECTION at Colours of Sexuality: Chennai Queer Film Festival 2012
OFFICIAL SELECTION at International Queer Film Festival Madurai 2012
SPECIAL SCREENING at Queens Museum of Art, New York 2012
AWARDS WON - 'KASHISH Audience Choice Award 2012'
Plot is based on a gay guy who is finding a love or someone special, for which he is trying artificially on social networking site.
It leads him to fall for someone and finally output is the same which happens to be in this 'Virtual World' and then the 'Realization'....
Realization? Yes....not only for him for many of us..
What Starts, Ends!!
END..will be different for everyone, it's going to be your perception.
Credits:
Direction, Acting and Editing by Nakshatra
Special Thanks to Ved Roy
Copyrights of music tracks owned by their respective music companies!
Please get your facts ,,, by Nick Padgaonkar
Please get your facts clear when you want to connect with me.... You will be wasting your time if you try to do things to wait for my appreciation in a wrong way.
Irrespective of whether you want to be my friends or a life partner.
Your good looks won't impress me
Your ego and attitude won't depress me
Your money can't buy me
Your popularity and wanna be personality is something I don't care
To connect with me, you need to touch my heart and only a truthful, loyal and honest good heart can do that... You need to have a good character
Stop showing off and get a life :)
Saturday, 13 April 2013
Friday, 12 April 2013
Love
“To create the life of your dreams, the time has come for you to love You. Focus on Your joy. Do all the things that make You feel good. Love You, inside and out. Everything will change in your life, when you change the inside of you. Allow the Universe to give you every good thing you deserve, by being a magnet to them all. To be a magnet for every single thing you deserve, you must be a magnet of love.”
― Rhonda Byrne
Thursday, 11 April 2013
Thoughts
“Everything else you see and experience in this world is effect, and that includes your feelings. The cause is always your thoughts.”
― Rhonda Byrne, The Secret
Wednesday, 10 April 2013
Remember
"Your power is in your thoughts, so stay awake. In other words, remember to remember"
~ Rhonda Byrne
Latter Days - GTM
Latter Days (2003)
7.1/10 IMDb Rating
A promiscuous gay party animal falls for a young Mormon missionary, leading to crisis, cliché, and catastrophe. (107 mins.)
Director: C. Jay Cox
Stars: Wes Ramsey, Steve Sandvoss, Mary Kay Place, Amber Benson
Beautiful Thing (1996) - GTM
Beautiful Thing (1996)
7.5/10 IMDb Rating
In a suburb of London, young Jamie is escaping sport hours, to avoid being the victim of his comrades. Young Ste, his neighbor, is beaten by his father, and comes to sleep overnight. They discover new feelings, sleeping in the same bed. (90 mins.)
Director: Hettie Macdonald
Stars: Glen Berry, Linda Henry, Meera Syal, Martin Walsh
Brokeback Mountain (2005) - GTM
7.7/10 IMDb Rating
The story of a forbidden and secretive relationship between two cowboys and their lives over the years. (134 mins.)
Director: Ang Lee
Stars: Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger, Michelle Williams, Randy Quaid
Add to Watchlist
Shelter (2007) - GTM
Shelter (2007)
7.6/10 IMDb Rate
When his college dreams are sidelined by family obligations, a young man finds comfort in surfing with his best friend's brother. (97 mins.)
Director: Jonah MarkowitzStars: Trevor Wright, Brad Rowe, Tina Holmes, Jackson Wurth
7.6/10 IMDb Rate
When his college dreams are sidelined by family obligations, a young man finds comfort in surfing with his best friend's brother. (97 mins.)
Director: Jonah MarkowitzStars: Trevor Wright, Brad Rowe, Tina Holmes, Jackson Wurth
FACTS ON GAY ADOPTION
Hundreds of thousands of children in the United States and around the world await adoption each year. Recently, more and more of these children are being adopted by same-sex couples, and sometimes by individuals who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgendered (LGBT). This has caused some controversy, as there are those who feel that only traditional homes should be allowed to adopt. Despite this opposition, gay adoption is a growing reality around the world.
What is Gay Adoption?
Though “gay adoption” traditionally conjures up images of male couples, the issue–more appropriately termed LGBT adoption–concerns adoption by homosexual individuals or couples of either gender, as well as any individual or couple with “outside the norm” gender/sexual proclivities.
History of Gay Adoption
Gay adoption has only become an issue in the latter half of the 20th century, as more homosexuals chose to live openly, pursue permanent relationships and begin families, and as homosexuality itself has gained acceptance. Prior to that, homosexuals were perceived as sexual deviants, mentally disturbed or even criminal, and a child would never be knowingly placed with a gay man or woman.
Occurrence of Gay Adoption
While it is difficult to compile hard numbers, studies have indicated that gay adoption is fairly prevalent. A 2003 study found that more than half of U.S. adoption agencies, for example, would consider same-sex couples, and that two-fifths of them had placed children in gay homes. These adoptions have occurred in nearly half the states in America, as well as the District of Columbia.
Legality of Gay Adoption
In the United States, gay adoption is legal in every state, unless specific laws are passed to prevent it. As of 2009, only three states, Florida, Mississippi and Utah, have laws that expressly forbid either homosexual or unmarried couples from adopting. Since most states do not allow gay marriage, however, same-sex couples have to utilize the lesser joint adoption or second parent laws, which are more complicated but generally carry
the same benefits in the end.
Opponents of Gay Adoption
Those opposed to gay adoption argue that children are best raised in a traditional family home with both a mother and a father. They cite studies that show the better adjustment of children raised in traditional homes over those raised in single-parent or other nontraditional homes (though not specifically against same-sex homes). Some opponents also claim that same-sex homes will encourage homosexuality in children. A few even express fears that homosexual parents are more likely to sexually abuse their children.
Supporters of Gay Adoption
Those in favor of gay adoption point out that there is no definable difference in the parenting skills of a gay or lesbian parent and a heterosexual parent, nor in the quality of love and attention a gay parent can provide. They also point out that a loving home of any kind is preferable to a child languishing in the adoption system (hundreds of thousands of children remain unadopted each year). Finally, supporters point out that fears of increased homosexuality or even sexual abuse are just that, fears, unsupported by any facts.
courtesy : http://www.gayhealthzone.com/facts-on-gay-adoption
Tuesday, 9 April 2013
100 Gay Themed movie as per IMDb
1.
Shelter (2007)
7.6/10
When his college dreams are sidelined by family obligations, a young man finds comfort in surfing with his best friend's brother. (97 mins.)
Director: Jonah Markowitz
Stars: Trevor Wright, Brad Rowe, Tina Holmes, Jackson Wurth
Add to Watchlist
2.
Brokeback Mountain (2005)
7.7/10
The story of a forbidden and secretive relationship between two cowboys and their lives over the years. (134 mins.)
Director: Ang Lee
Stars: Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger, Michelle Williams, Randy Quaid
Add to Watchlist
3.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
7.2/10
A newly engaged couple have a breakdown in an isolated area and must pay a call to the bizarre residence of Dr. Frank-N-Furter. (100 mins.)
Director: Jim Sharman
Stars: Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, Barry Bostwick, Richard O'Brien
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4.
Beautiful Thing (1996)
7.5/10
In a suburb of London, young Jamie is escaping sport hours, to avoid being the victim of his comrades. Young Ste, his neighbor, is beaten by his father, and comes to sleep overnight. They discover new feelings, sleeping in the same bed. (90 mins.)
Director: Hettie Macdonald
Stars: Glen Berry, Linda Henry, Meera Syal, Martin Walsh
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5.
Latter Days (2003)
7.1/10
A promiscuous gay party animal falls for a young Mormon missionary, leading to crisis, cliché, and catastrophe. (107 mins.)
Director: C. Jay Cox
Stars: Wes Ramsey, Steve Sandvoss, Mary Kay Place, Amber Benson
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6.
Weekend (2011)
7.4/10
After a drunken house party with his straight mates, Russell heads out to a gay club. Just before closing time he picks up Glen but what's expected to be just a one-night stand becomes something else, something special. (97 mins.)
Director: Andrew Haigh
Stars: Tom Cullen, Chris New, Jonathan Race, Laura Freeman
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7.
The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994)
7.3/10
Two drag queens and a transsexual get a cabaret gig in the middle of the desert. (104 mins.)
Director: Stephan Elliott
Stars: Hugo Weaving, Guy Pearce, Terence Stamp, Rebel Penfold-Russell
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8.
A Single Man (2009)
7.5/10
An English professor, one year after the sudden death of his boyfriend, is unable to cope with his typical days in 1960s Los Angeles. (99 mins.)
Director: Tom Ford
Stars: Colin Firth, Julianne Moore, Matthew Goode, Nicholas Hoult
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9.
Milk (2008)
7.7/10
The story of Harvey Milk, and his struggles as an American gay activist who fought for gay rights and became California's first openly gay elected official. (128 mins.)
Director: Gus Van Sant
Stars: Sean Penn, Josh Brolin, Emile Hirsch, Diego Luna
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10.
Maurice (1987)
7.5/10
After his lover rejects him, a young man trapped by the oppressiveness of Edwardian society tries to come to terms with and accept his sexuality. (140 mins.)
Director: James Ivory
Stars: James Wilby, Rupert Graves, Hugh Grant, Denholm Elliott
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11.
Were the World Mine (2008)
6.8/10
A bullied and demoralized gay student at an all-boys school uses a magical flower derived from Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream' to turn many in his community gay, including a comely rugby player for himself. (95 mins.)
Director: Tom Gustafson
Stars: Tanner Cohen, Wendy Robie, Judy McLane, Zelda Williams
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12.
Get Real (1998)
7.4/10
A tenderly romantic coming-of-age story as two boys in a British school fall in love. (108 mins.)
Director: Simon Shore
Stars: Ben Silverstone, Brad Gorton, Charlotte Brittain, Stacy Hart
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13.
Mysterious Skin (2004)
7.7/10
A teenage hustler and a young man obsessed with alien abductions cross paths, together discovering a horrible, liberating truth. (105 mins.)
Director: Gregg Araki
Stars: Brady Corbet, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Elisabeth Shue, Chase Ellison
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14.
My Beautiful Laundrette (1985)
6.9/10
An ambitious Asian Briton and his white lover strive for success and hope, when they open up a glamorous laundromat. (97 mins.)
Director: Stephen Frears
Stars: Saeed Jaffrey, Roshan Seth, Daniel Day-Lewis, Gordon Warnecke
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15.
Angels in America (2003 Mini-Series)
8.1/10
Playwright Tony Kushner adapts his political epic about the AIDS crisis during the mid-eighties, around a group of separate but connected individuals.
Stars: Al Pacino, Meryl Streep, Emma Thompson, Mary-Louise Parker
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16.
Prayers for Bobby (2009 TV Movie)
7.9/10
True story of Mary Griffith, gay rights crusader, whose teenage son committed suicide due to her religious intolerance. Based on the book of the same title by Leroy Aarons. (90 mins.)
Director: Russell Mulcahy
Stars: Sigourney Weaver, Henry Czerny, Ryan Kelley, Austin Nichols
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17.
Trick (1999)
6.5/10
The misadventures of two young gay men, trying to find a place to be alone, one night in Manhattan. (89 mins.)
Director: Jim Fall
Stars: Christian Campbell, John Paul Pitoc, Tori Spelling, Brad Beyer
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18.
The Birdcage (1996)
6.7/10
A gay cabaret owner and his drag queen companion agree to put up a false straight front so that their son can introduce them to his fiancée's right-wing moralistic parents. (117 mins.)
Director: Mike Nichols
Stars: Robin Williams, Nathan Lane, Gene Hackman, Dianne Wiest
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19.
Big Eden (2000)
7.1/10
Big Eden is a small, fictional northwestern Montana town. (118 mins.)
Director: Thomas Bezucha
Stars: Arye Gross, Eric Schweig, Tim DeKay, Louise Fletcher
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20.
Longtime Companion (1989)
7.3/10
The emergence and devastation of the AIDS epidemic is chronicled in the lives of several gay men living during the 1980s.
Director: Norman René
Stars: Stephen Caffrey, Patrick Cassidy, Brian Cousins, Bruce Davison
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21.
Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001)
7.5/10
A transexual punk rock girl from East Berlin tours the US with her rock band as she tells her life story and follows the ex-boyfriend/bandmate who stole her songs. (95 mins.)
Director: John Cameron Mitchell
Stars: John Cameron Mitchell, Miriam Shor, Stephen Trask, Theodore Liscinski
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22.
Shortbus (2006)
6.5/10
A group of New Yorkers caught up in their romantic-sexual milieu converge at an underground salon infamous for its blend of art, music, politics, and carnality. (101 mins.)
Director: John Cameron Mitchell
Stars: Sook-Yin Lee, Peter Stickles, PJ DeBoy, Paul Dawson
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23.
The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy (2000)
6.6/10
In the palm-shaded oasis of West Hollywood, we meet Dennis, a promising photographer. As he prepares to celebrate his twenty-eighth birthday... (94 mins.)
Director: Greg Berlanti
Stars: Timothy Olyphant, Dean Cain, Zach Braff, Ben Weber
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24.
C.R.A.Z.Y. (2005)
7.9/10
C.R.A.Z.Y. Extraordinary lives of ordinary people in search of love and happiness - that's the premise of "C.R.A.Z.Y", a family drama unlike any other.
Director: Jean-Marc Vallée
Stars: Michel Côté, Marc-André Grondin, Danielle Proulx, Émile Vallée
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25.
Torch Song Trilogy (1988)
7.2/10
Tony Award-winning actor and playwright Harvey Fierstein re-creates his role as the unsinkable Arnold... (120 mins.)
Director: Paul Bogart
Stars: Anne Bancroft, Matthew Broderick, Harvey Fierstein, Brian Kerwin
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26.
To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (1995)
5.9/10
Three drag queens travel cross-country until their car breaks down, leaving them stranded in a small town. (109 mins.)
Director: Beeban Kidron
Stars: Wesley Snipes, Patrick Swayze, John Leguizamo, Stockard Channing
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27.
Just a Question of Love (2000 TV Movie)
7.9/10
After his gay cousin dies from hepatitis, young Laurent, who lives with his best friend Carole, falls in love with Cedric, a plant scientist. He's afraid to inform his conservative parents that he is gay. (88 mins.)
Director: Christian Faure
Stars: Cyrille Thouvenin, Stéphan Guérin-Tillié, Eva Darlan, Caroline Veyt
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28.
Summer Storm (2004)
7.3/10
Tobi and Achim, the pride of the local crew club, have been the best of friends for years and are convinced... (98 mins.)
Director: Marco Kreuzpaintner
Stars: Robert Stadlober, Kostja Ullmann, Miriam Morgenstern, Jürgen Tonkel
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29.
Love Songs (2007)
7.0/10
A musical interpretation of three lovers living in Paris. (100 mins.)
Director: Christophe Honoré
Stars: Ludivine Sagnier, Louis Garrel, Clotilde Hesme, Chiara Mastroianni
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30.
Jeffrey (1995)
6.2/10
Jeffery, a young gay man in New York, decides that sex is too much and decided to become celibate. He... (92 mins.)
Director: Christopher Ashley
Stars: Steven Weber, Michael T. Weiss, Peter Jacobson, Tom Cayler
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31.
Philadelphia (1993)
7.6/10
When a man with AIDS is fired by a conservative law firm because of his condition, he hires a homophobic small time lawyer as the only willing advocate for a wrongful dismissal suit. (125 mins.)
Director: Jonathan Demme
Stars: Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, Roberta Maxwell, Buzz Kilman
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32.
Patrik, Age 1.5 (2008)
6.8/10
A Swedish gay couple adopt what they think is an 18-month-old orphan, only to meet their new son, a 15-year-old homophobic delinquent. (103 mins.)
Director: Ella Lemhagen
Stars: Gustaf Skarsgård, Torkel Petersson, Tom Ljungman, Amanda Davin
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33.
Undertow (2009)
7.5/10
An unusual ghost story set on the Peruvian seaside; a married fisherman struggles to reconcile his devotion to his male lover within his town's rigid traditions. (100 mins.)
Director: Javier Fuentes-León
Stars: Cristian Mercado, Tatiana Astengo, Manolo Cardona, Attilia Boschetti
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34.
I Love You Phillip Morris (2009)
6.6/10
A cop turns con man once he comes out of the closet. Once imprisoned, he meets the second love of his life, whom he'll stop at nothing to be with. (98 mins.)
Director: Glenn Ficarra, John Requa
Stars: Jim Carrey, Ewan McGregor, Leslie Mann, Rodrigo Santoro
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35.
Parting Glances (1986)
7.4/10
As Michael and Robert, a gay couple in New York, prepare for Robert's departure for a two-year work assignment in Africa... (90 mins.)
Director: Bill Sherwood
Stars: John Bolger, Richard Ganoung, Steve Buscemi, Adam Nathan
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36.
Boy Culture (2006)
6.9/10
A successful male escort describes in a series of confessions his tangled romantic relationships with his two roommates and an older, enigmatic male client. (88 mins.)
Director: Q. Allan Brocka
Stars: Derek Magyar, George Jonson, Patrick Bauchau, Darryl Stephens
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37.
The Wedding Banquet (1993)
7.5/10
To satisfy his nagging parents, a gay landlord and a female tenant agree to a marriage of convenience, but his parents arrive to visit and things get out of hand. (106 mins.)
Director: Ang Lee
Stars: Winston Chao, May Chin, Ya-lei Kuei, Sihung Lung
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38.
Velvet Goldmine (1998)
6.8/10
In 1984, British newspaper reporter Arthur Stuart is investigating the career of 1970s glam rock star Brian Slade... (124 mins.)
Director: Todd Haynes
Stars: Ewan McGregor, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Christian Bale, Toni Collette
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39.
My Own Private Idaho (1991)
7.0/10
Two best friends living on the streets of Portland as hustlers embark on a journey of self discovery and find their relationship stumbling along the way. (104 mins.)
Director: Gus Van Sant
Stars: River Phoenix, Keanu Reeves, James Russo, William Richert
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40.
The Boys in the Band (1970)
7.4/10
Tempers fray and true selves are revealed when a heterosexual is accidentally invited to a homosexual party. (118 mins.)
Director: William Friedkin
Stars: Kenneth Nelson, Peter White, Leonard Frey, Frederick Combs
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41.
Yossi & Jagger (2002)
7.2/10
Romance blooms between two soldiers (Knoller, Levi) stationed in an Israeli outpost on the Lebanese border. (65 mins.)
Director: Eytan Fox
Stars: Ohad Knoller, Yehuda Levi, Assi Cohen, Aya Steinovitz
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42.
Edge of Seventeen (1998)
6.3/10
A teenager copes with his sexuality on the last day of school in 1984. It shows him coping with being gay and being with friends. (99 mins.)
Director: David Moreton
Stars: Chris Stafford, Tina Holmes, Andersen Gabrych, Stephanie McVay
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43.
Bad Education (2004)
7.4/10
An examination on the effect of Franco-era religious schooling and sexual abuse on the lives of two longtime friends. (106 mins.)
Director: Pedro Almodóvar
Stars: Gael GarcÃa Bernal, Fele MartÃnez, Javier Cámara, Daniel Giménez Cacho
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44.
The Bubble (2006)
7.0/10
The movie follows a group of young friends in the city of Tel Aviv and is as much a love song to the... (90 mins.)
Director: Eytan Fox
Stars: Ohad Knoller, Yousef 'Joe' Sweid, Daniella Wircer, Alon Friedman
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45.
Beginners (2010)
7.2/10
A young man is rocked by two announcements from his elderly father: that he has terminal cancer, and that he has a young male lover. (105 mins.)
Director: Mike Mills
Stars: Ewan McGregor, Christopher Plummer, Mélanie Laurent, Goran Visnjic
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46.
Rent (2005)
6.8/10
This is the film version of the Pulitzer and Tony Award winning musical about Bohemians in the East Village of New York City struggling with life, love and AIDS, and the impacts they have on America. (135 mins.)
Director: Chris Columbus
Stars: Taye Diggs, Wilson Jermaine Heredia, Rosario Dawson, Anthony Rapp
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47.
Priest (1994)
7.1/10
Father Greg Pilkington (Linus Roache) is torn between his call as a conservative Catholic priest and his secret life as a homosexual with a gay lover... (105 mins.)
Director: Antonia Bird
Stars: Linus Roache, Tom Wilkinson, Robert Carlyle, Cathy Tyson
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48.
Making Love (1982)
6.4/10
A successful young L.A. doctor and his equally successful television-producer wife find their happily-ever-after... (113 mins.)
Director: Arthur Hiller
Stars: Michael Ontkean, Kate Jackson, Harry Hamlin, Wendy Hiller
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49.
All Over the Guy (2001)
6.0/10
"All Over The Guy" is a contemporary romantic comedy about the quest to find the "one" when "the one"... (95 mins.)
Director: Julie Davis
Stars: Dan Bucatinsky, Richard Ruccolo, Sasha Alexander, Adam Goldberg
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50.
Mambo italiano (2003)
6.5/10
The son of Italian immigrants to Canada struggles to find the best way to reveal to his parents that he's gay. (88 mins.)
Director: Émile Gaudreault
Stars: Luke Kirby, Peter Miller, Ginette Reno, Paul Sorvino
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51.
The Trip (2002)
6.9/10
When 19-year-old gay-rights activist Tommy and 24-year-old Alan first meet in 1973, they find themselves on the opposite sides of the political coin... (95 mins.)
Director: Miles Swain
Stars: Larry Sullivan, Steve Braun, Ray Baker, James Handy
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52.
The Sum of Us (1994)
7.1/10
A widowed father has to deal with two complex issues: while he is searching for "Miss Right," his son, who is in his 20s and gay, is searching for "Mr. Right." (100 mins.)
Director: Geoff Burton, Kevin Dowling
Stars: Jack Thompson, Russell Crowe, John Polson, Deborah Kennedy
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53.
Transamerica (2005)
7.4/10
A pre-operative male-to-female transsexual takes an unexpected journey when she learns that she fathered a son, now a teenage runaway hustling on the streets of New York. (103 mins.)
Director: Duncan Tucker
Stars: Felicity Huffman, Kevin Zegers, Fionnula Flanagan, Andrea James
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54.
Plan B (2009)
6.8/10
After girlfriend Laura dumps him for another man, Bruno plots to come between the new lovers. But his plan takes an unexpected turn, causing Bruno to question his own sexuality. (103 mins.)
Director: Marco Berger
Stars: Manuel Vignau, Lucas Ferraro, Mercedes Quinteros, Damián Canduci
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55.
But I'm a Cheerleader (1999)
6.2/10
A naive teenager is sent to rehab camp when her straitlaced parents and friends suspect her of being a lesbian. (85 mins.)
Director: Jamie Babbit
Stars: Natasha Lyonne, Clea DuVall, Michelle Williams, Brandt Wille
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56.
Eating Out (2004)
5.8/10
After getting dumped by his slutty girlfriend, Caleb falls in love with Gwen. However, thanks to Caleb's roommate, Gwen thinks he's gay and sets him up with her roommate, Marc. (90 mins.)
Director: Q. Allan Brocka
Stars: Scott Lunsford, Jim Verraros, Emily Brooke Hands, Rebekah Kochan
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57.
Another Gay Movie (2006)
4.9/10
Four gay high school friends make a pact to lose their virginity before they go to college. (92 mins.)
Director: Todd Stephens
Stars: Michael Carbonaro, Jonathan Chase, Jonah Blechman, Mitch Morris
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58.
Victor Victoria (1982)
7.4/10
A struggling female soprano finds work playing a male female impersonator, but it complicates her personal life. (132 mins.)
Director: Blake Edwards
Stars: Julie Andrews, James Garner, Robert Preston, Lesley Ann Warren
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59.
The Curiosity of Chance (2006)
6.3/10
An already 'out' and eccentric teenager recruits a bizarre circle of friends made up of two oddball outcasts, a straight jock he's crushing on and a drag queen, to help him bring down the homophobic bully threatening his would-be peaceful, high-school existence. (98 mins.)
Director: Russell P. Marleau
Stars: Tad Hilgenbrink, Brett Chukerman, Aldevina Da Silva, Pieter Van Nieuwenhuyze
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60.
Gods and Monsters (1998)
7.5/10
The last days of Frankenstein director James Whale are explored. (105 mins.)
Director: Bill Condon
Stars: Ian McKellen, Brendan Fraser, Lynn Redgrave, Lolita Davidovich
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61.
The Big Gay Musical (2009)
6.3/10
Paul and Eddie have just begun previews for the new Off-Broadway musical "Adam and Steve Just the Way...
Director: Casper Andreas, Fred M. Caruso
Stars: Celina Carvajal, Daniel Robinson, Joey Dudding, Jeff Metzler
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62.
Judas Kiss (2011)
4.8/10
A quirk in time and space gives a failed filmmaker the chance to reshape his destiny when he visits his peculiar alma mater. (94 mins.)
Director: J.T. Tepnapa
Stars: Charlie David, Richard Harmon, Timo Descamps, Sean Paul Lockhart
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63.
Bent (1997)
7.1/10
Max is gay and as such is sent to Dachau concentration camp under the Nazi regime. He tries to deny... (105 mins.)
Director: Sean Mathias
Stars: Lothaire Bluteau, Clive Owen, Mick Jagger, Brian Webber
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64.
Love! Valour! Compassion! (1997)
6.6/10
Gregory invites seven friends to spend the summer at his large, secluded 19th-century home in upstate New York... (108 mins.)
Director: Joe Mantello
Stars: Jason Alexander, Stephen Spinella, Stephen Bogardus, Randy Becker
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65.
North Sea Texas (2011)
7.1/10
A teenage boy's search for love finds him fixated on a boy who lives nearby. (94 mins.)
Director: Bavo Defurne
Stars: Ben Van den Heuvel, Eva van der Gucht, Thomas Coumans, Katelijne Damen
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66.
I Killed My Mother (2009)
7.2/10
A semi-autobiographical story about Dolan as a young homosexual at odds with his mother. (96 mins.)
Director: Xavier Dolan
Stars: Anne Dorval, Xavier Dolan, François Arnaud, Suzanne Clément
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67.
Touch of Pink (2004)
6.4/10
A gay Canadian living in London has his perfectly crafted life upset when his devoutly Muslim mother comes to visit. (91 mins.)
Director: Ian Iqbal Rashid
Stars: Jimi Mistry, Kris Holden-Ried, Suleka Mathew, Kyle MacLachlan
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68.
Far from Heaven (2002)
7.4/10
In 1950s Connecticut, a housewife faces a marital crisis and mounting racial tensions in the outside world. (107 mins.)
Director: Todd Haynes
Stars: Julianne Moore, Dennis Quaid, Dennis Haysbert, Patricia Clarkson
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69.
Wild Reeds (1994)
7.3/10
In a village in the Southwest of France, 1962. Maite and Francois are 18 years old. They are friends... (110 mins.)
Director: André Téchiné
Stars: Élodie Bouchez, Gaël Morel, Stéphane Rideau, Frédéric Gorny
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70.
Romeos (2011)
7.0/10
A drama centered on the relationship between a young man and a transsexual who is transitioning from female to male. (94 mins.)
Director: Sabine Bernardi
Stars: Rick Okon, Maximilian Befort, Liv Lisa Fries, Felix Brocke
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71.
Private Romeo (2011)
5.6/10
Shakespeare's original lines from Romeo & Juliet are almost exclusively spoken in a military academy setting of his tale at which gay love blooms between two cadets. (98 mins.)
Director: Alan Brown
Stars: Hale Appleman, Charlie Barnett, Adam Barrie, Chris Bresky
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72.
Before Night Falls (2000)
7.1/10
Episodic look at the life of Cuban poet and novelist, Reinaldo Arenas (1943-1990), from his childhood... (133 mins.)
Director: Julian Schnabel
Stars: Javier Bardem, Johnny Depp, Olatz López Garmendia, Giovanni Florido
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73.
La cage aux folles (1978)
7.1/10
Two gay men living in St. Tropez have their lives turned upside down when the son of one of the men announces he is getting married... (103 mins.)
Director: Edouard Molinaro
Stars: Ugo Tognazzi, Michel Serrault, Claire Maurier, Rémi Laurent
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74.
Burnt Money (2000)
7.1/10
Nene & Angel and their accomplice Cuervo participate in a botched bank robbery in 1965 Buenos Aires, then hide out from the police in Uruguay while the gang breaks down. (125 mins.)
Director: Marcelo Piñeyro
Stars: Eduardo Noriega, Leonardo Sbaraglia, Pablo Echarri, Leticia Brédice
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75.
Make the Yuletide Gay (2009)
6.1/10
Olaf "Gunn" Gunnunderson, an out-and-proud gay college student, crawls back into the closet to survive the holidays with his family... (89 mins.)
Director: Rob Williams
Stars: Keith Jordan, Adamo Ruggiero, Hallee Hirsh, Kelly Keaton
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76.
Happy Together (1997)
7.5/10
Yiu-Fai and Po-Wing arrive in Argentina from Hong Kong and take to the road for a holiday. Something is wrong and their relationship goes adrift... (96 mins.)
Director: Kar Wai Wong
Stars: Leslie Cheung, Tony Leung Chiu Wai, Chen Chang, Gregory Dayton
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77.
Cabaret (1972)
7.7/10
A female girlie club entertainer in Weimar Republic era Berlin romances two men while the Nazi Party rises to power around them. (124 mins.)
Director: Bob Fosse
Stars: Liza Minnelli, Michael York, Helmut Griem, Joel Grey
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78.
BearCity (2010)
5.6/10
Set in New York's gay "bear" scene and taking a cue from the popular HBO franchise "Sex and the City,"...
Director: Doug Langway
Stars: Alex Di Dio, Kevin E. Smith, Joe Conti, Carlos Abrieu
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79.
Adam & Steve (2005)
5.7/10
Follows two New York city couples -- one heterosexual and one gay who explore the peaks and the valleys of their respective relationships. (99 mins.)
Director: Craig Chester
Stars: Craig Chester, Malcolm Gets, Parker Posey, Chris Kattan
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80.
A Home at the End of the World (2004)
6.6/10
From the Pulitzer Prize-winning author of "The Hours" comes a story that chronicles a dozen years in... (97 mins.)
Director: Michael Mayer
Stars: Colin Farrell, Dallas Roberts, Robin Wright, Sissy Spacek
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81.
Is It Just Me? (2010)
5.6/10
A socially shunned columnist finds his romantic match online, but messaging under the wrong account causes his sleazy roommate's picture to be forwarded, creating an identity mix-up. (93 mins.)
Director: J.C. Calciano
Stars: Nicholas Downs, David Loren, Adam Huss, Michelle Laurent
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82.
Going Down in LA-LA Land (2011)
5.9/10
A fresh face comes to Hollywood to act in movies but only the gay porn studios are eager to provide him with work. (104 mins.)
Director: Casper Andreas
Stars: Matthew Ludwinski, Allison Lane, Michael Medico, Casper Andreas
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83.
The War Boys (2009)
5.9/10
Three young vigilantes huddle on la linea ready to chase illegals back across the border into Mexico... but they soon learn that there are borderlines deep within each one of them that each of them has to cross.
Director: Ron Daniels
Stars: Victor Rasuk, Brian J. Smith, Benjamin Walker, Peter Gallagher
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84.
In & Out (1997)
6.2/10
A midwestern teacher questions his sexuality after a former student makes a comment about him at the Academy Awards. (90 mins.)
Director: Frank Oz
Stars: Kevin Kline, Joan Cusack, Tom Selleck, Matt Dillon
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85.
Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds (2006)
6.4/10
After Marc dumps him, Kyle unites with Gwen and Tiffani to land sexually confused art model Troy by pretending to be straight. However, Marc wants Troy, too, and members from a notorious "ex-gay" group are slipping for the both of them. (79 mins.)
Director: Phillip J. Bartell
Stars: Jim Verraros, Emily Brooke Hands, Rebekah Kochan, Brett Chukerman
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86.
Breakfast on Pluto (2005)
7.2/10
In the 1970s, a foundling lad, Patrick "Kitten" Braden, comes of age by leaving his Irish town for London, in part to look for his mother and in part because his trans-gender nature is beyond the town's understanding. (128 mins.)
Director: Neil Jordan
Stars: Cillian Murphy, Morgan Jones, Eva Birthistle, Liam Neeson
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87.
The Opposite of Sex (1998)
6.4/10
A 16-year-old girl visits her gay half-brother and ends up seducing his boyfriend, thus wreaking havoc on all of their lives. (105 mins.)
Director: Don Roos
Stars: Christina Ricci, Martin Donovan, Lisa Kudrow, Lyle Lovett
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88.
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
7.5/10
Scott Pilgrim must defeat his new girlfriend's seven evil exes in order to win her heart. (112 mins.)
Director: Edgar Wright
Stars: Michael Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Kieran Culkin, Alison Pill
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89.
Heartbeats (2010)
6.9/10
The story of three close friends who are involved in a love-triangle. (101 mins.)
Director: Xavier Dolan
Stars: Xavier Dolan, Monia Chokri, Niels Schneider, Anne Dorval
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90.
You Should Meet My Son! (2010)
6.3/10
A fish-out-of-water comedy about a conservative Southern mom who discovers that her only son is gay. Determined that he won't go through life alone, she sets out to find him a husband. (88 mins.)
Director: Keith Hartman
Stars: Joanne McGee, Carol Goans, Stewart Carrico, Ginger Pullman
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91.
In the Family (2011)
7.2/10
When his partner Cody dies in a car accident, Joey learns that their son, Chip, has been willed to Cody's sister. In his now solitary home life, Joey searches for a solution. The law is not on his side, but friends are. (169 mins.)
Director: Patrick Wang
Stars: Sebastian Banes, Patrick Wang, Trevor St. John, Lisa Altomare
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92.
Camp (2003)
6.2/10
After a series of Broadway flops, songwriter Bert Hanley (Dixon) goes to work at a musical camp for young performers. Inspired by the kids, he finds an opportunity to regain success by staging an altogether new production. (114 mins.)
Director: Todd Graff
Stars: Don Dixon, Daniel Letterle, Joanna Chilcoat, Robin de Jesus
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93.
The Crying Game (1992)
7.3/10
A British soldier is kidnapped by IRA terrorists. He befriends one of his captors, who is drawn into the soldier's world. (112 mins.)
Director: Neil Jordan
Stars: Stephen Rea, Jaye Davidson, Forest Whitaker, Miranda Richardson
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94.
Law of Desire (1987)
7.1/10
A film makers sexual disorientation jepordizes his latest project. (102 mins.)
Director: Pedro Almodovar
Stars: Eusebio Poncela, Carmen Maura, Antonio Banderas, Miguel Molina
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95.
eCupid (2011)
4.8/10
Marshall is a cocky young ad man working at a dead-end job for a boss who overlooks his talents. After seven years with his boyfriend... (95 mins.)
Director: J.C. Calciano
Stars: Andy Anderson, John Callahan, Galen Drever, Morgan Fairchild
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96.
Christopher and His Kind (2011 TV Movie)
6.8/10
In 1931 budding author Christopher Isherwood goes to Berlin at the invitation of his friend W. H. Auden for the gay sex that abounds in the city...
Director: Geoffrey Sax
Stars: Matt Smith, Imogen Poots, Lindsay Duncan, Perry Millward
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97.
Howl (2010)
6.6/10
As Allen Ginsberg talks about his life and art, his most famous poem is illustrated in animation while the obscenity trial of the work is dramatized. (84 mins.)
Director: Rob Epstein, Jeffrey Friedman
Stars: James Franco, Todd Rotondi, Jon Prescott, Aaron Tveit
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98.
Breakfast with Scot (2007)
6.5/10
The hockey career of former Toronto Maple Leaf Eric McNally, who was known as a tough enforcer, came to an end with a shoulder injury... (90 mins.)
Director: Laurie Lynd
Stars: Tom Cavanagh, Ben Shenkman, Noah Bernett, Benz Antoine
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99.
Noah's Arc: Jumping the Broom (2008)
6.1/10
As Noah and Wade prepare to marry in Martha's Vineyard, the personal problems of their friends - and the unexpected arrival of rapper Baby Gat - threatens to permanently end their relationship. (101 mins.)
Director: Patrik-Ian Polk
Stars: Darryl Stephens, Rodney Chester, Gary LeRoi Gray, Christian Vincent
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100.
Doing Time on Maple Drive (1992 TV Movie)
6.7/10
Dysfunctional family drama. Absent father, alcoholic brother Tim (Jim Carrey) try to cope with life. Fox movie of the week. (92 mins.)
Director: Ken Olin
Stars: James Sikking, Bibi Besch, William McNamara, Jayne Brook
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