Forgiveness

 

 

Forgiveness is not so much an act as an attitude. As an act, forgiveness raises the forgiver above the forgiven; it empowers the one even as it disempowers the other. I know this isn’t the way we normally think about forgiveness, but explore this with me a bit. If you don’t like what I have to say, you can always stop reading.
The only way someone can hurt you is if you have given them power over you. When my nephew was a toddler and I refused him candy as we stood in the checkout line at our local market, he would often cry out, "I hate you. I hate you." While this might have been a bit embarrassing, it wasn't hurtful. He had no power over me, and his assessment of my character meant nothing to me. While you might argue that he should have apologized for his outburst, there is no need for me to forgive him for it. He just did what any three-year-old kid would do when forced to stand in an aisle stacked from his head to his toe with candy.

Now imagine a different scenario. You're standing with a friend who is under the misunderstanding that you have done her some harm. She too cries out, "I hate you, I hate you." Because you are innocent and because you know that she is misinformed you will most likely forgive her for her outburst, especially when she realizes her error and asks for your forgiveness. The difference here is that you have power over her. She was in the wrong, even if she didn't know it, and she may have hurt you with her anger. You bestow forgiveness upon her the way a governor may bestow a pardon on a criminal. Your friend humbles herself before you in asking for forgiveness, and you, with noblesse oblige, graciously grant her wish.

Forgiveness is yours to give, and in giving it you assert your superiority over the one forgiven.
Bear with me for a third scenario. Imagine you have hurt someone you love. He is angry with you, and his anger is making your life miserable. So you apologize, humbly and sincerely. Yet you expect something for this act of contrition. You expect to be forgiven. Your apology, no matter how sincere, is still a tactic. You want to be free from the guilt and the anxiety the other’s anger produces in you, and so you own up to your mistake and apologize. If forgiveness is forthcoming you are freed from the weight of your guilt and free to reengage with the other person as an equal.

But what happens if you ask for forgiveness and forgiveness is not forthcoming? You get angry. Now you are the one who feels slighted. Now you are the one owed an apology. Now you are the one who has been raised, at least in your own mind, to the moral high ground: you occupy the superior status of the wronged.
When we focus on forgiveness as an act it all too often becomes a tactic, and a manipulative one at that. But when we understand forgiveness as an attitude something else altogether happens.
I expect to be hurt. Not all the time and not by everyone, but often enough by those I love that it isn’t a shock—even when the cause of the hurt is a surprise. I expect to be hurt not because I think people are mean and hurtful, but because I know that people are most often victims of their own inner turmoil, and this turmoil just erupts now and again in ways that hurt me.
 

While I know there are people who set out to deliberately hurt others, I don’t think I personally know anyone like this. I have some troublesome acquaintances and even friends, but none of them are sociopaths or psychopaths. They are just people like me. Often we are caught up in the madness of our lives in such a way that now and again we do something hurtful — often and especially to those we love. Welcome to the major leagues.
Does this mean I don’t have to forgive them? On the contrary, it means that not forgiving them isn’t even an option. This is what I mean by forgiveness as an attitude. Forgiveness isn’t a tactic; it is your default level of engagement. You forgive because you know we are all trapped in our own madness over which we have no control. Not forgiving simply locks you into additional layers of suffering that have no beneficial results at all.
Am I saying that you should forgive everybody for everything they do? What about the person who mugs you or rapes you or murders your child? Are you supposed to forgive that person as well?

If I say, “yes,” I am talking theory, and you should reject my ideas out of hand. It would be absurd of me to dismiss your anger and your grief over tragedies of this magnitude, and I won’t do that. While it might be in your best interest to forgive even these evil people, I would not ask you to do so. There are no limits to forgiveness, but there are limits to forgiving. Follow your heart, not my philosophy.
If I say, “no,” then we have to decide when it is right to forgive and when it is wrong to forgive. But there is no way I can define this for you. You simply have to discover it for itself, and then have compassion on yourself when you do.
Could you forgive Charles Roberts, the man who shot up a one-room schoolhouse killing five Amish girls and wounding five others, if one of those girls was your daughter? Their Amish parents did. I can’t say what I would do. Knowing that Roberts was the victim of his own madness would help me move on without having to bury myself in hatred of the killer, but is that the same as forgiveness? Perhaps it is. But I am not going to tell you that you should or should not forgive Mr. Roberts. That is not my call to make. What I can say is that I will have compassion for you regardless of the choice you make.

But how many of us face this level of horror? So let’s consider a lesser tragedy. During my college life and my little stint with a NGO, I have interacted with some families of suicides. These family members are often very angry: with themselves — “I should have seen this coming, and never should have left him alone;” with each other — “How did you not see this coming? How could you have possibly left him alone?” and most of all, with the loved one who committed suicide — “Why didn’t he let us know how bad things were? Why didn’t he reach out to us for help? Why did he do this to us? He’s gone, but we have to live with this horror for the rest of our lives!”
All of this anger assumes a level of premeditation that most likely didn’t exist. If you could have seen how desperate a loved one was, you would have seen it and taken action regarding it. If the person suffering so much pain that her only outlet is death could have seen another way out, she would have taken it. Most of the hurts we experience are not meant for us. They are by-products of the suffering others are feeling. The truth is that most of the pain and suffering we feel isn’t directed at us at all.

I don’t think you can escape suffering, nor should you want to. Life is what it is: a blend of joy and sorrow, happiness and horror. Forgiveness won’t change that. But it can free you from dragging the sorrow into your moments of joy, and allowing the horror to corrode your moments of happiness, and that is no small thing at all. If we had more space here we would delve into the nature of self and you would see that you aren’t who you think you are, and when you stop thinking you are who you are not, forgiveness happens: no method, no steps, no willful thinking or feeling one way or another; just a freeing of Self from the confines of self and realizing that freedom from self manifests as forgiveness. But we don’t have space for all that. Just this:
Imagine you are out boating alone on a lake. A fog rolls in and you decide to row to shore for safety’s sake. 

As you do so, you notice another boat heading straight toward you. You assume the fog is blinding the occupants of the other boat to your presence, and you call out for them to turn aside lest they ram into you and perhaps capsize your boat. The others do not respond and their boat picks up speed as it homes in on you. You begin to panic. No matter which way you turn they seem intent on hitting you. You shout for them to look out, but they don’t, and you are hit hard. Anger bursts through you and you scream at the others, leaning into their boat to make your point all the more strong. It is then that you realize the other boat is empty. Wind and current, not malicious intent, drove the other boat into yours. What happens to your anger?

 

- by Rachit Agarwal

HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE ?

HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE ?

 

 
Every Relationship needs a solid foundation if it's to survive all that life can throw at it.

The say unless yo love yourself , it's hard for you to believe that anyone else will .As self -esteem is important for a healthy relationship.When you truly like yourself , in spite of any failings and weaknesses you may have , you are bound to feel confident .And when you feel secure within yourself , you can enjoy being your partner for the joy they bring to your life , not because you feel you need them around to survive .If you've had bad experiences in the past , it's worth working through these issues with a trusted friend or counsellor . It can be tempting to lean on your partner and rely on them for reassurance , but the stronger you are as an individual , the stronger and more equal your relationship will be . Filmaker Vikram Bhatt who was in relationship with actress Amisha Patel finds love a quizzical equation . He explains , "If at studies , you work you put in your hundred percent , you get promoted .If at studies , you work hard , you get a really good grade but in love when you totally immerse yourself , you tend to lose control ."
 

LOVE YOUR PARTNER
Healthy relationships happen between two people who really like each other .It may be more romantic to talk about love , but it's important to remember that love is an emotion that comes and goes .If you genuinely like each other , enjoy being together , agree with how each other thinks and behaves , and share the same dreams of life , then loving feelings will never be too far away .
Clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany says that sometimes people realise the loving qualities of their partners after they have moved away from them.She often counsels people who want to get back with their old flames or partners . She says that it's little wonder that human beings tend to remember good qualities of their loved ones more than their negative traits unless of course an ugly incident had taken place and a separation occurred.She advises individuals to appreciate their partners and love them for their good qualities . Thus , it's important to tell your partner you like them , too. Warm words of encouragement and support build trust and respect .Add the odd compliment as well and you'll be helping to boost their self-esteem.
 

MAKE TIME
The importance of things can be measured by the amount of time we're willing to give them. When a couple first gets together , they instinctively prioritise their relationship.But as time goes by and life gets busier with work and family /children, time together often slips down the list of priorities.If you don't spend reqular quality time together , chances are you'll drift apart . Making such time for each other may mean sacrificing other activities , but remember it's an investment in your future happiness . Aroona Bhat, a celebrity PR consultant says , "I need to respect personal and professional priorities in my life .If I respect my meeting deadlines with clients , in the same manner , I need to respect my commitment towards friends and families as well. It's here that a good balance can really help and that keeps me happy and cheery ."
 

COMMUNICATE
Good communication is essential for a healthy relationship.It's the only way you can tell your partner who you are , what you want and why you behave the way you do . Talking is the way we let each other into our private worlds.
Communicating better is about learning to say openly and honestly exactly what you think and feel .It also means listening to your partner without judgement .
 

ARGUE WELL
It's important to accept that arguments are a normal part of relationship.We're all unique and so we're bound to hve our differences. Couples who argue well don't have to worry about not always agreeing . A good argument is an opportunity to share your feelings and strengthen your bond by reaching a decision you're both happy with .It can be an experience that leaves you both feeling more confident about your relationship and brings yo closer together.
 

TOUCH EVERY DAY
Touching is a vital human need .Studies have shown that without touching , many animals ----including humans ------will die in childhood . Being caressed also lowers blood pressure and releases natural opiates in the brain , as well as the chemical oxytocin , which is essential for human pair-bonding .
Touch has the power to comfort and support , to protect and encourage , to relax and , of course , to arouse .Every couple knows their sex life may have dry periods, but our need for physical affection never changes .
 

ACCEPT CHANGE
People change over the years and it's these changes that keep a relationship alive . Life changes too---and not always in ways that we want .
Change can provide opportunities for growth and intimacy , but it can also be painful.It may mean adjusting to a new way of thinking or a new way of life .It may also mean letting go of things that have been familiar and safe .In successful relationships , couples learn to adapt and change together . They accept that change is an inevitable part of human life and support each other , for better or for worse . Actor Upen Patel says < "When I love a woman , I give myself completely in the relationship . If for some reason , things do not work out , my lady would always remember that she has taken away a piece of me with her . I am very emotional person and love to me means trust to a great extent ."

 

 - by Pankrut Sethi 

WHY RELATIONSHIP IS BREAKING AND RATIONALE BEHIND BREAKING OF RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TWO FRIENDS.

WHY RELATIONSHIP IS BREAKING AND RATIONALE BEHIND BREAKING OF RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TWO FRIENDS.

One of the most concerned issue is “Relationship”. Often we see guys in FB using the term “Relationship” which means they are in link with other guy and it has been virtually agreed upon being friend with each other in all areas.

But, at the same we also see many incidents explaining guys’ relationship and looking so depressed, vexed all such things etc etc.  Relationship is a very dangerous word that put you in a very deep depressed mode, probably most of you must have read through the comments made by the guys.

I look at this and wonder why these guys are so dependent on others and why they are so depressed?  It is basically not good for your health.

The important factor that I would like to point out is that no human brain, or mind or heart can be stable for long time.  They are vulnerable to change according to the situations, events, feelings, psychological and social changes etc.  So I reckon all guys should be flexible to adopt to the changes.

WHY WE ARE MAKING RELATIONSHIP?
Human beings are one special living being is always longing for friendship, love, care, affection, so automatically the heart and mind searches for like minded guys.  Once they got, they think that everything in their life is fulfilled, which is not actually a real fact.  The reason for making relationship is to share our joy, sorrows, happy moments, sad moments everything. In order to do the above, we need a like minded one heart and mind to equally share our issues.

CAUSES FOR BREAKING RELATIONSHIP

There are many reasons to analyze the cause of breaking relationship.

The first reason is that allowing the intervention from the outside causes the confusion in our relationships.

The second reason is lack of understanding.

The third reason is succumb to the situation which forces our breaking of relationship.

The fourth reason is expecting too much on only one particular thing.

The fifth reason is not allowing the other guy to come out with his feelings.

The sixth reason is giving importance to our own feelings, thinking and not giving priority to other guy.

The seventh reason is lack of trust on the other guy.

The eighth reason is allowing or listening to the third party guys to comment about your partner guy.

The ninth reason is disclosing all our very deep personal issues without understanding the full character of the another guy.

The tenth reason is being attracted physically to the third guy after having a look at him.

The elevent and foremost important reason is early sexual attraction can cause very deep wound and break the relationship.




SUGGESTIONS TO OVERCOME THIS AND MAINTAIN GOOD AND CORDIAL RELATIONSHIP

To overcome these type of breaking relationships there are few suggestions:

1. First of all maintain just a friendly relationship and then little deeper relationship.  If you trust him without understanding him fully is also the cause for the problem.  So be just balance, and do not disclose all your personal information or details.

1. Just maintain your relationship status in a balanced mode and have trust only 98% on him.  The balance 2% you should keep it with you in the aspect that what will happen in case if he disappoints you.  So your mind and heart should be courageous to face these things.   That is why I stress on Balanced Mind and Heart.

1. Do not be too much attracted and indulge in sexual intercourse, which will affect your long term relationship.

1. In order to maintain true relationship, both of you should not listen to others, rather, you both should talk to yourselves and discuss the issues.  I really do not agree with the point that some one posts his personal incidences with his boy friend or lover or whatever it may, it will virtually affects that guy.  This also affects the relationship status.

1. Just believe yourself and your partner but at the same time be balanced.

1. Just think all are human beings and all are vulnerable to changes according to the situation. So, no need to dependent on one particular guy, cos there are many more smart guys are there in this world. Ok.  All beautiful and smart are not carrying good character.  When you are talking about Real word “RELATIONSHIP” Character is the foremost important factor that you need to consider above all other things.

- by John Max

Gay Safer Sex

Here It is one mature and important post about SAFE GAY SEX!
Following information is taken from available sources on internet by experts.


Why have safer sex?

You can't tell who's got HIV the virus that can lead to AIDS. Anyone can have HIV: young or old, hunky or skinny, black or white, 'on the scene' or 'off the scene'. There are men with HIV in Bermuda who look and feel completely well. You have no way of knowing who of your sexual partners may have HIV infection. So, the answer is NOT in simply choosing your sexual partners carefully, but to  

Stick to safer sex with everyone!

It doesn't matter if either of you has HIV. Safer sex will protect you both. In the past, when we knew less than we know now, our advice used to be extra cautious. But, in fact, all we need to remember is this:
Basically...... HIV can only be transmitted between men through blood and cum. Fortunately, it can't get through ordinary, healthy, undamaged skin. You may be worried about other body fluids - like spit or pee - but HIV is only ever found in these in very small amounts which aren't enough to be infectious. Studies of many thousands of people have shown that no-one has ever been infected through kissing. So the important thing is HIV is only transmitted when blood or cum goes from one body to another. Bearing this in mind safer sex is quite straight forward.

Sucking

No-one can be absolutely sure that virus in cum or pre-cum can't get through the linings of the mouth or throat.
A small number of people think they have been infected through sucking. However when the sexual behaviour of thousands of gay men has been studied over a number of years sucking hasn't shown up as a risk. So if there's a risk it's very small. But the risk may be higher if your mouth is sore or bleeding.
You might choose to use condoms and avoid getting any cum or pre-cum in your mouth. Some men get just as turned on by nuzzling and licking the cock and balls without taking them in the mouth.

Rimming
Eating ass is safe unless there is any blood in or around the ass.
However there are some risks to your health from rimming from other types of infection e.g.: hepatitis, salmonella, and some parasites. If you have HIV, these can be very serious.
Remember that you can get vaccinated against Hepatitis B.

Fucking

The main risk of transmitting HIV is through fucking or being fucked. This is because the virus can easily get into your body through the sensitive lining of your ass or your dick. You can really cut down on the risk in fucking by using condoms as long as they're good quality and used properly.
Remember:

• Open the packet carefully not with your teeth.
• Unroll the condom all the way down on the cock.
• While fucking have a look from time to time to make sure it's still in one piece.
• When you withdraw make sure you hold the condom tight to the base of your dick as you pull out.

Although condom manufacturers still don't make condoms specifically for anal use it's safest if you choose a thicker or stronger condom for anal sex. You can make sure that the condoms aren't old stock by checking the 'sell by' date and store them away from hot or damp places. You can buy plenty at a time - or get them free from The Allan Vincent Smith Foundation - to avoid running out at an inconvenient moment.
Many men find they can get the same sort of pleasure by using sex toys, like dildos or butt plugs, up the bum. There's no risk of transmitting HIV with these unless you share your toys that go inside you.


STAY SAFE! BE HEALTHY AND HAPPY!

- Nakshatra

Comment: Why are we gay?

The case of Chris Birch seems to have raised some questions for the gay community. Some of the comments on a news story covering his story have raised prejudices and fears about its implications. If someone can be “made gay” by the brain damage caused by a stroke, what does that mean for who we are?

The causes, consequences and cures of homosexuality have been debated on and off since before the subject first got its “scientific” name in 1869. Clearly same-sex relationships existed prior to that, but with the publication of Psychopathia Sexualis, the causes of homosexuality became scientific subject worthy of explanation. (It’s worth noting that the word heterosexual wasn’t coined until nearly 20 years later.)

For a long time, the explanation that held the most sway were the Freudian psychological theories about the unconscious influence of events in early life on behaviour later in life. Since it was thought homosexuality was a mental disorder, people attracted to the same sex were considered treatable. This attitude led to the death of Alan Turing who was subjected to aversion therapy (being given electric shocks associated with photos of naked men to associate pain with same-sex arousal) and hormone therapies.
Although psychoanalysis is generally considered to be unscientific today, the Freudian theories still hold sway amongst some groups of people, particularly by evangelical groups who want to advocate the ability to change from being gay. However, the consensus of the psychological community today is that homosexuality is not a disease, it’s an example of normal variation in human behaviour. Homosexuality was removed from the American list of mental health problems in the seventies although it wasn’t removed from the international list until 1990.

As the focus shifted away from psychological explanations of homosexuality, in the nineties, news started covering the exciting developments in genetics. As a result, a number of papers were written in the mid-nineties which linked genetics to sexuality. A paper published in 1993 linked a specific gene on the X chromosome (in men, this comes from the mother) with male homosexuality.

For the gay community this reinforced what they already felt: they were born gay. There were public meetings at which researchers told families that their children were normal, that homosexuality was a genetic trait just as much as left-handedness. However, the research couldn’t explain all cases of male homosexuality, and the links with female sexuality were even less clear. In short, genetics explained some cases, but is incomplete.
Focus then shifted to foetal environmental explanations: factors which change the expression of genes as the baby develops. An example of this is that children with a low birth weight tend to be more obese and have more heart disease later in life. It is thought that such children’s “famine” genes are turned on in the womb, so they tend to store more fat later in life.

There’s some evidence that there are developmental links to homosexuality. For example, levels of testosterone in the womb have been associated with both male and female sexuality. There’s also evidence that the more older brothers a man has, the more likely he is to be gay. Yet again, this is insufficient to explain all cases; it’s a part of the picture, but it’s not all of it.
Recently, it’s neuroscience which has dominated science in the news. Back in 1848, Phineas Gage had an accident when working on the railway which resulted in a iron bar being blown explosively into his head. As a result, he experienced a complete change I’m personality, and since then there has been a fascination with how brain damage can alter behaviour. High resolution magnetic scanners mean we’re gaining more insights into the structure of the brain, and some research has shown a link between specific neurological structures and sexuality.

Instead of gay and straight, these brain structures suggest that straight women and gay men share common structures, and that lesbians and straight men also have common structures which look the same. The suggestion here is that people have the structure for male-attraction or female-attraction. In such a light, it’s easy to see that brain damage, which results in the brain rewiring itself to recover, could result not only in personality changes but also in other fundamental behavioural changes.
However, again this is not a complete explanation. For starters, it doesn’t provide an explanation about bisexuality, but neither do psychological, genetic or foetal explanations. There are also people who move between sexualities, and thus engage in relationships with people of both sexes, without ever being attracted to both genders at the same time. How can any of these explanation account for such flexible and fluid expressions of sexuality?

The fact is, sexuality is not simple. Psychological explanations are no longer generally accepted, but may well be useful in some people. Genetics is inadequate to explain sexuality in all individuals, but definitely has some explanatory power for some. Foetal environment is also influential for some, but not for all. Neurological structure also shows explanations for some people, but doesn’t tell the whole story.
Given this complexity, if one wanted to eliminate gay men and women from society, one would have to generate such a multi-factorial model of sexuality that identifying us would be – and indeed is – impossible for all practical purposes. Organisations which claim that people can be cured of their homosexuality – as if homosexuality were disease – are claiming that purely by their psychological therapies (often along with the power of prayer of course) can affect genetic, developmental and neurological factors, an assertion simply not born out in reality.

Even if modifying brain structure were shown to be effective in “treating” homosexuality (or, for that matter, heterosexuality), as a society we learned lessons about allowing indiscriminate use of brain modification with the lobotomy scandals of the twentieth century. I don’t believe society today would allow such procedures.
I don’t know what made Chris Birch gay: I have no reason to disbelieve his story, and I think brain injury is as plausible as anything else. However, projecting our fears onto him and his story just gives the people who want to deny our existence power. We should be proud that, whatever the cause, Chris has felt able to come out and establish his new identity. Society has moved on so far in the last twenty years, and whilst we’re still fascinated by why we are the way we are, being gay is no longer the burden that it used to be.

- by David Waldock
(David Waldock graduated with a degree in life sciences, and has a post-graduate diploma in how people relate to science and technology.) 

Love & Sex

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVE AND SEX

Probably most of you would have known about the topic and you might wonder why it is necessary to write about.   But, though the difference is very obvious and most of you would have known, I am writing this just to make guys to understand the priority of these two.

LOVE
The definition of LOVE can be the attraction of two hearts, two minds, two souls and two lovers.  LOVE is something related to heart and pertaining to emotional feeling rather than other filthy feelings.  LOVE is a silent expression communicating that you like the other guy.  LOVE not necessarily be expressive, or communicative, it may be silent, or can be enjoyed even from distance.  LOVE is something very beautiful and it is not supposed to be destroyed by any other unsolicited feelings or outburst of emotions.  LOVE is a confidential one and it has to be communicated only between the two hearts and it is not something public property where others can involve in.

I personally feel LOVE should be given priority over SEX.  The reason is LOVE has no selfishness, no hatred, no discrimination etc.  LOVE has a tremendous tolerance power.

SEX
On the other hand, SEX is a extreme stage of LOVE.  SEX is a physical attraction of the other guy. SEX is also beautiful but very dangerous when we consider from LOVE point of view.  Most of our guys would like to enjoy long term love and friendship.  SEX is something can be done only after two hearts mutually agreed to do so.  One point of view of SEX is, SEX is dangerous in the sense it might hamper the beautiful RELATIONSHIP, LOVE between two hearts.  The reason for this is many, but one reason probably the expectation, over ambitious, hormonal feeling of attraction towards the partner etc.

So SEX is something we need to think thousand times before indulging in.  So whatever comes through physical attraction may not long for long time. It is all for just for time being.  Whereas, the attraction is happening in hearts and minds, will certainly long for long time and gives you a sense of feeling over the other.  SEX has no tolerance power.

The main reason I pointed out here is that I was really distressed to note that many guys are being cheated by other guys after having their physical intimacy.  Physical intimacy at the earlier stage is always dangerous and it even goes to the extent of spoiling your concentration power, mind etc.

My advise to the guys, please do not get attracted by the beautiful words by the guys, just wait, chat with them, understand them, their feeling, their heart, mind then you decide.  I am not talking about all; I am talking about some that is all.  Practically, many guys looking only for sex which is not good for a guy who is sincerely looking for a partner or for a good friend. This is one of the main reasons the guys are being depressed or very sober in their mind and mood.

- by John Max

Relationship

RELATIONSHIP
Dear friends,
I am just posting this article for you to go through.  It is all about Relationship.  I know it is very long.  Sorry for that.  But, I wanted to share this to you that is why I shared it.  I just pointed out everything in a very simple language and I did not use any technical terms, so that it would be easy for all of you to understand this topic.
My best wishes to all of you who are looking for relationship with partners and who are already in Relationship.
WHAT IS RELATIONSHIP?
Relationship is a single word but has a very deep meaning in it.  Relationship means a conversion of two hearts into one heart.  So, Relationship signifies or identifies the oneness in heart, mind, soul, spirit, and thinking, attitude etc.  Hence, this word is very significant and beautiful word if it is used properly in a positive way.  Basically Relationship goes with two hearts and it marks the confidential level of two hearts when it converts into one single heart (converging two hearts into one heart). RELATIONSHIP IS NOT A LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.
FOR THOSE WHO ARE LOOKING FOR PARTNERS
WHY WE NEED RELATIONSHIP IN THE PERSPECTIVE OF GAYS?
Relationship is very much important for gays for the following reasons:

1. Normally gays wanted to share their feelings with someone, by doing so, they feel free that someone listens to them.
2. Relationship is necessary for gays to have a moral and psychological support.
3. Relationship is good for gays as they wanted his partner to be with him in all walks of life.

HOW TO FIND A PARTNER SUITS YOUR HEART AND SOUL?
This is one of the most complicated act where most of the gays I reckon do not consider very deeply.  Actually the practical answer for this question might take long time for some guys, may be shortly for some guys.  Whatever it may, it is necessary for us to give ample of time for searching for a partner suits our heart and soul.  Please be patience.  Because Relationship is dealing with emotional, psychological, heart  and soul related issues.  So, it would be good if more time you take to identify your suitable partner.
You will be able to find through the following methods:

1. Just casual chatting.
2. Meeting each other
3. Discussing topics of both of your interest
4. Understand each other’s interest, most importantly each other’s heart
5. Understand their motives. This can be done through conversations on particular topics.

HOW TO IDENTIFY A PARTNER ?
Identifying partner is not easy as you may find lot of friends easily.  This is something important for you guys to keep him with you for long time.  So, please be careful while handling this and ensure that it should hamper your mind, heart, concentration etc.
The following are the methods that you may do to identify your suitable partner:

1. Chatting with him to understand what he feels, how he chat, what motive he has.
2. Make sure that whether he has a same interest of your interest.
3. See that whether you or he will be able to cope up with each other in the long run.
4. Study his mind tendency.
5. Once you are satisfied, then you can express your feelings to him.

IMPORTANT FACTOR:
While meeting your probable partner, just make sure you and he has eye contact.  Observe the eyes, then you will be able to analyse something.  His eyes should be on your eyes.
PROBABLE PROBLEMS THAT YOU MIGHT FACE:

1. Criticism from others,
2. Sarcastic comments from other guys
3. You might have to face the problem of prestige, dignity etc.

FOR GUYS WHO ARE IN RELATIONSHIP:
I am very happy that you are in relationship.  Congratulations and wish you all the best.  In this topic,  I just would like to suggest something on this:
HOW TO MAINTAIN YOUR EXISTING RELATIONSHIP?
This is another biggest question that is most important for guys who are in relationship.  Often I am very sober when I think of guys posting about their broken relationship, their partners left them etc etc.  One thing I wanted to tell you guys, please do not feel depressed or worried over this issue, ok.  Please be cheerful .  I will discuss in detail as follows:
WHY RELATIONSHIPS ARE GETTING BROKEN?
There are various reasons for this.  The first thing I wanted to point out here is all are human beings, then only gays etc.  In a psychological perspective, human brain, heart cannot be ensured 100% stable.  It tends to change according to the society, situation, and attraction.
If any guy looking only for physical attraction, beauty, good economic background etc, then there are chances for Relationship is getting broken.  Relationship is always based on heart, soul, mind.  If this is in the top priority list for the guys, then Relationship can flourish and guys can be happier.
The most important thing that you guys need to remember is that Relationship is a consent between two hearts and it is not something to be forced or compelled to have.  So mutual consent and understanding is very important while maintain Relationship.  I mentioned this with the reason that human attitude is tend to change at any time.
MAINTAINING GOOD RELATIONSHIP

1. It is always good that two partners living in the same town or nearby places to enable themselves for meeting atleast once in a week or in a month.
2. Keep chatting, talking.
3. Taking care of what he needs, share your feelings with him, listen to his feelings, or whatever he shares.
4. Finding solutions to the problems if any.
5. Important thing is that please do not expose your relations partner ‘s identity in FB. (This I pointed out because sometimes, there may be chances for others to exploit you both).
6. Make all your conversations between you both as very confidential.  This is not something others need not know.  It is between you both.
7. Give importance to each other.

FOR GUYS WHO ARE UNDER BROKEN RELATIONSHIP:
Guys, I am sharing this from my heart with a feeling for you.  Here I am suggesting something to you, (probably you are theultimate authority to decide on this).
There are various reasons for the broken relationships.  I am discussing in a more practical and infact it is a bitter facts also.
One thing you guys need to understand that you cannot compel or force your left partner to come and join with you.  This is only possible when he changes his mind, heart and attitude and he will join you.  Please do not be disheartened.  Life is not just like that.  Life is a ocean that you must have courage to face hurdles and one fine day you will be finding a suitable partner of your heart.
PLEASE UNDERSTAND THE FOLLOWING:
Why this Relationship was broken?
You alone can analyse why this was broken.
WHY RELATIONSHIP IS GETTING BROKEN?
Probable reasons are:

1. He might be thinking other guys who are smarter than you.
2. He might have found a guy who is nearer to his place so that he can meet up.
3. He might be looking for only beauty, age or wealth etc.
4. He might not be interested in your conversations anymore?
5. He might have done fun with you? (Please do not mistake me, but this is also one of the reasons and it is also a bitter fact).
6. Either you or he might be over ambitious
7. Hastiness in decision making of identifying partners.

SOLUTIONS FOR THIS PROBLEM:

1. Just think that all are human beings and their heart, mind, attitude, etc will change from time to time.
2. Don’t be fully dependent on your partner (This I am pointing out with the reason that if you are too much dependent or love your partner, in case he left, only you will be disappointed, and will be depressed.  Only your health will be spoiled).
3. You cannot expect everyone will be having a same mind tendency of yours.  You need to understand.  You may talk about emotional feeling etc, but practically, human feelings are kept on changing.
4. Please be conscious over anything may happen.  You may talk about trust, love, care that you receive from your partner, please note that that not all will give that. 
5. In order to avoid your emotional breakings, hurts, wounds, you need to move out of the place where you are and just keep yourself busy over your regular schedules.
6. Be confident, be cheerful, and be happy.  You will get a good partner with more than your expectations.
7. Be courageous, have full determination, will power enables you to overcome your problems.
8. Always have trust in your partner with the reservation that you should be able to withstand the disappointments in case of any breakups.
9. Don’t think that “he is the only partner” that you want to have.  Always expect that partners may be true to you, but the challenge is “can you study his heart or mind”?
10. Don’t be hasty in finalising your partner, take your own time to analyse everything and then finalise your partner.

BEHAVIOURAL PATTERNS
This part is very much important that all of us need to understand some of the following facts:

1.  Gays are also humanbeings.  So automatically they have their own feeling, style, understanding capacity,  emotion, which are vulnerable to change.
2. Human behaviours may not be stable always.  It changes according to the society, situation, feeling, moods etc.
3. So in the process, we need to understand the fact that human brain might go either way and not necessarily to come to your direction.

WHY BEHAVIOURS ARE CHANGING?
Behaviours are changing due to the following factors:

1. Hereditory
2. Hormones
3. Age transition
4. Pressure from society, family etc
5. Changing the direction of attraction towards other things.

GENERAL POINTS:
Human brain, mind, body, soul, spirit are vulnerable to change, so guys need to understand that we cannot get anything  (Relationship, Love, Care, Share etc) forcibly or mandatorily, it is all about unity and oneness in understanding, convergence of two hearts.  Then only there will be a real meaning for RELATIONSHIP.  We are talking about Gay Rights, but at the same time, we need to think of Human Rights.  Every Humanbeings have right to say yes or no to the callings.  So we need to be prepared for everything and need not be disappointed for the sake of one single small thing.  Life is so big, we need to enjoy it.
It is so distressing for me when I hear that some guys wanted to ruin their life just for the sake of their love towards a guy who is basically rejecting or not approving his love.  I totally agree with the disappointed guys for their feelings and I endorse it.  But, having said that, Life is also our right.  It is our right to live our life fully and we need not spoil ourselves for the sake of such things.
I think I will wind up here as it went too big, if you have any clarifications, you may feel free to get in touch with me.

- by John Max