What is sex therapy ? What happens in a sex therapy session ? - Pankrut Kapoor

 Sex therapy is a new -age boon to problematic relations . It is very interesting form of relationship counselling that focuses specifically on intimacy and sexual problems . A sex therapist can be a psychiatrist , psychologist, a family or marriage counsellor . There are specific programmes designed to help couples and individuals work through their sex related issues . The role of a therapist is not to change someone's sex drive or orientation , but to help them maximise their potential for satisfaction and guide them towards safe comfortable and satisfying sex that suits their libido and libido poweress .


by Pankrut Kapoor

TOP 10 WAYS OF DOING ''GAY WELFARE''

Many of you have come to me and asked ''I also want to do something for gay activism, how to start?''. Many of you want to join us in the battle to fight for gay rights but don't know how to do it exactly? So here are TOP 10 ways for Gay welfare.

(These are the 10 ways which I am preferring and these are the best ways to begin)
There are 2 factors of doing we

lfare one is Social Network (Virtual World) and Other is Field Work (Real World)

1) Be Yourself
I don't mean COME OUT. But when you make an other ID (Gay ID) Be yourself..try to be good human being with positive energy and spread happiness around. Don't spread porn material nor decorate your profile with sex talks, Because people are watching you and positive profile attracts people who need happiness :)
It will also help you to be a good human being. So EVERY SINGLE THING STARTS FROM YOURSELF!

2) Make friends and Share good thoughts!
Make good friends and discuss ongoing issues related to the community with them. Write Statuses, Share posts in the favor of gay activism and homosexuality.
You may not get LIKES to your statuses as a sexy status might get but many are watching it and one day they will start following your views. It happens, I proved!

3) Join Gay welfare groups & Pages (online)
Join Gay groups and pages on Facebook, Google, Yahoo which are into welfare, friendship and entertainment. Go there and interact with people there. Express your views on exciting posts and if nothing is exciting then you make it happen. Try avoiding culture of growing sex seeking groups. I see many guys started their welfare from facebook and even I started my work from We 4 You. So facebook groups are the best options to start with.

4) Join Local Gay Friendly NGO and Groups
Check out gay NGOs and groups nearby to your area and connect to them and you'll be on perfect track towards welfare. If there is no any gay group in your town you can try setting up a small one by you and your friends. :)

5) Participate in Prides, Queers events.
No feeling is as proud as being in a Pride March..Go with mask if you want cuz one more gay will be counted in. All metro cities as well as small areas like Patna, Madurai started having Pride marches so participated in pride march around you and other LGBT related events which will develop your confidence and knowledge. If there is any protest campaign for fighting for the rights then participate. Many events are inside in safe atmosphere and without media coverage.

6) Buy and Promote Gay Art.
Prefer, Promote and Buy Gay Arts. Gay themed movie, literature, other artwork.
Read gay magazines, books to develop your knowledge about latest happening in gay movement of the world. Watch gay themed movies. Share them and spread them to your people.

7) Help & Support Needy People
There are many people who seek for help and support, online as well as in reality. Guide them with the best possible solution. Many times they need someone to share pain and cry, Give them shoulder and there you will learn human emotions and psychology of the LGBT people and it will help you in the future activism

8) Increase Contacts in the Community.
Get in touch with other gay right activists and see how they are working. Join them and discuss things. You might get a big push and your voice will be heard. Being with others your teamwork skill will be enhanced and you will develop your skills by seeing others work :)

9) Media appearance
If you are out then face media and participate in many shows which talk about homosexuality. Tell people and face them. Impact is more. Many times media is agree to hide ur face and name from camera.

10) Feel Proud of Yourself!
Feel good about yourself..Accept your self and your role and then never back down by becoming victim of ANYTHING. THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO BE FAMOUS!!
THIS ROAD IS DIFFICULT TO TRAVEL BUT FULL OF ADVENTURES AND EXCITEMENT. EVERY MOMENT IS NEW AND GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO LEARN. MANY TIMES YOU HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOUR FAMILY AND LOVE LIFE BUT DON'T BACK DOWN CUZ' WHEN YOU STEP IN HERE THERE IS NO ''U'' TURN :)
Fighting for the community and equality is great thing. I feel like a freedom fighter so Get Ready to be a pert of history!

Goodluck to all future activists, Have happening journey!
Wishing you the Best, Let's Fight and Let's Light It Up! :)

- Nakshatra

WAR OF WORDS : Difference between Cross Dressers, Drags, She males & Lady Boys

After My 1^st’ Article about Different Gender Identity Someone suggested me to write about difference between Cross Dressers, Drags, She males & Lady Boys. So here I am…

 These words bring lot of glitters, tinsels, hard make up and confusion about different roles and behaviors. So let’s see them closely and identify unique features of each set separately. 

Cross Dresser: It is a person mostly a man who dresses as a woman for the sake of fetish, fashion or his own comfort level. Conflict arises when even a man uses a simple woman clothing article like a scarf or handkerchief would fall under this category or not? Answer is not there! But mostly a person who wears women’s clothing, accessories and footwear is known as Cross Dresser. Sometimes straights also feel good by cross dressing.

  Drags: Drag is the one who wears the clothes of other gender to resemble with it. Like a man wears women’s clothing to portray him as a woman. This is mostly present in arts like cinema, dramas, and paintings. It started from Shakespeare′s Globe Theater where Males played the roles of Females in the acts and dramas due to no availability of female artists. Drag performance is not related to sex or vulgarity, It’s for entertainment, humor and can be an adjustment by putting males in the female roles because no availability female artists. It’s not necessary that Drags are Gays, Many times Straight Males be Drags to earn money.

There are two terms related to this word –

      

      Drag Queen: A biological Male who dresses as a Female for stage performance, entertainment or drag shows to earn money or for beauty contests with feminine expressions and behavior. It’s not necessary that he’s gay he can be a straight and acts in certain way just to earn his salary and may not have feminine behavior in his day to day life.

    Drag King: A biological Female who dresses as a Male with masculine attitude for the same reasons as above. This is not so popular and appreciated as Drag Queen.

Drag show is a vibrant part of nightlife and most popular in New York, Chicago and Las Vegas.

“So the person who cross dress for his/her own comfort is known as Cross dresser and person who dresses for his/her profession and to earn money is known as Drag.”

She males: A male-to-female transgendered person is referred to as ′transgender woman' or She-Male with male genitalia and mostly augmented female breasts. They dress, behave and act like a Female and they have kept their penis.

She males have different names throughout the world:

Lady Boys : Asia

Kathoey : Thailand

Newhalf : Japan

So She males, Lady Boys, Kathoey, Newhalf are different names given to Transgender. If they change their genders then they will be known as Transsexuals.

Transphobia (The irrational fear and hatred towards all those individuals who fall under this section) brings massive discrimination, violence and unbalanced society by giving less respect to these gender identities.

WAR OF WORDS : Difference Between Transgender, Transsexual, Intersex & Hijra.

There is lot of confusion among the people about these terms. Many of us don’t know the exact difference between these sexual minorities. So let’s clear the confusion and see the unique behavior of each set separately.

Transgender: 'Transgender' describes a person who dresses, behaves or presents themselves in a way that is different from their actual gender norm.

Transgenders are mostly men/women who want to keep their original body parts and without changing the gender they enjoy privileges of being a person of other gender.

Transgender is one who portrays himself as woman WITHOUT changing his gender and vice-versa.

It includes: Cross Dressers, Drag Queens/Kings, etc…

(A male-to-female transgendered person is referred to as ′transgender woman′ and a female-to-male transgendered person is referred to as ′transgender man′).

Transsexual: “Trans’’ means "to cross" and the “Sexual” part refers to the “physical body’’. To cross/change the gender there is only one option - ‘Sex Change Surgery’. It also implies surgery, since that is the only way to change the gender.

Transsexual is one who converts into male to female by changing his gender and vice-versa.

Intersex: It’s known as third gender in many cultures.

An intersex person is one who is born with or develops mixed sexual physiological abnormality.

He/She has born with both male and female biological organs and/or genitalia and it is difficult to identify the actual gender of that person. According to statistics, at least one in 2,000 children is intersex.

Hijra: Hijras (eunuchs) are born as biological males who reject their ′masculine′ identity in due course of time to identify either as women, or not-men, or in-between man and woman, or neither man nor woman.

They fall under category ‘Third Gender’, It’s more close to Transsexual concept but mostly eunuch prefers to be fall under Third Gender rather than any specific gender identitiy.

So this are the large differences between these 4 unique gender identity so treat them with love and respect cuz They are just “Born This Way’’.

WAR OF WORDS: Words Losing Decency?

DISCLAIMER: SOME READERS MAY FIND MY ARTICLE BOLD & NASTY BUT IT MAKES SENSE AND I HAVE WRITTEN IT FROM MY OBSERVATION. NO HARD FEELINGS.

When I entered in this gay world, it was very difficult for me to understand and most importantly to remember some of the terms/words which are almost universal in this world now. Some of the words which I learned from childhood mean something else. Objection is not against those words but in the context which they get used and how decently people are using them.

Some popular Words which are now visible everywhere in this world,

1) Top – Upper part. Above. Up. Upside. Fcuker??
I learned ‘Top’ is upper part or up and always used it while framing sentence in the context of Sky and when one of my gay friend told me ‘Top means Fcuker’ I asked but why? Top means he always keeps his partner down and remains up while having sex? Oh, he should buy KAMSUTRA Book lol :P
And we got many proud ‘TOPS’ who say ‘’You know I am Top not a bottom’’. They say it like they can convert into a heterosexual guy at next moment!

2) Bottom – Lower part. Down. Below. Downside. Bitch?? (this is how many treat them)
Like top I also learned word Bottom in the school in the context of a juice jar or a water-well. And after getting term TOP, I am clever enough to know the one who gets fcuked is Bottom but always at bottom? (while getting respect too?)

3) Versatile – I am a VERSATILE guy since my childhood :D Hey, take it in exact dictionary meaning!! This word disappointed me a lot. ‘Versatile simply means a person with various skills, talents & achievements.’ In gay context they got 2 talents and abilities of fcuking & getting fcuked!! Really? Wooow great skills. Big difference in actual meaning and gay world meaning. I feel awkward when my mom praises me infront of guests by saying “My son is Versatile’’ and I feel like asking her “How do you know that?’’ :O

4) Double-Decker – BEST BUS. This is what I know about this word. I realized the gay meaning of this word this year only when another gay friend explained it to me. Double-Decker is BEST Bus which I adore, I love to sit in the TOP part and that to in the front and enjoy city while traveling and taking air on me. Even I also had a double-decker bus toy in my childhood. But here in this case ‘Double Decker means Versatile only’. My reaction was pretty confused and I ask my friend use slangs or cheap words if you want while explaining but I need to know how this word can be a synonym to versatile?? He said in “Double-decker you get two options, TOP part of the vehicle and BOTTOM part of the vehicle to have a FUN journey. Choice is yours! ;)

5) Size – Measurement. But Of WHAT?? Figure? No… Then? In early GAY days some strangers on fb used to ask, “What’s your size?’’. I used to ask them humbly, “Tee-shirt ka ya shoes ka??” Ohh! Innocent Me :P
Then people got to tell me of your dick, and I still said “Sorry, I never counted!” (with ‘^_^’ smiley). Being serious, I found this concept very cheap, You got no business of knowing how long someone got? or tiny one. ‘Jaisa bhi hai, Unka hai’. I just protest this concept of knowing size and I like the way My one BOTTOM friend deals with it, when people ask him SIZE?, He says “Look, I am Bottom so mind business with my ass not with my dick!’’ :D

6) Place – Space. Area. Home. Locality. Fcuk Place??
“Hey dude you got Place?’’ “Yes! I live in Home”
Place has only got restricted to SEX. The actual meaning of this word is losing its essence or already lost? Guy having place is the most successful person and with High Demand. Instead of talking about Home décor, Orphanage, Old-age homes people seek to know more about this PLACE.
“You know? I can’t arrange a place, I told you I don’t have place.’’……… “Are you Homeless?” Level of decency needs to be on it’s PLACE!

7) CAM - Customer Application Module?? Camera?? Ohh you mean…Webcam? Yes I got!
“Good then C2C?”. “Customer to Customer?”. “No, Cam to Cam?” Heard about M2M. Wonder how C2C happens? :)
CAM? This 3 alphabets means wanna have sex online? They made it in short way actually to save typing effort and asking for sex by saying so many things. If ‘YES’ is answer you can expect a big nasty session (If the guy is worth of your expectation). These words are enough to show a person’s nature and level of thinking. Skype has damaged its image because of that.

Some of these words are also popular in heterosexual online world too so blame is not upon gay community only. But as human being I feel bizarre when I see communication getting such a cheap turn, where people are still interested to each-other’s INNER THINGS not in INNER Heart and feelings…
Complaint is not against words but the way they are getting used by people. Such words are losing decency and becoming phenomenon throughout the world.

- Nakshatra

WAR OF WORDS: Straight Profile Vs. Gay Profile

By respecting all privacy concerns I am writing this…

I often feel offended when people ask me.. Do you have any NORMAL account? Can I have your straight ID? Is this your FAKE ID?
Hang on! My any ID and yours too is NORMAL (Being gay is normal), I am not straight so I don’t have such STRAIGHT ID but you may be asking for my Family ID and lastly, I am Being Real & honest here NOT FAKE. Are you??

Let’s clear some concepts to avoid identity crisis:

There are 2 types of profile IN GAY INTERNET LANGUAGE…one is FAKE and other is REAL!! I found these words offensive and insulting. What is Real & Fake..why such dual life atleast on social networking? ..I accept a closet can’t do all on his FAMILY ID (REAL)…But atleast why to call FAKE to the ID in which you are not with your exact identity but express your GENUINE FEELINGS??

I will distinguish your concepts about Facebook Profile/ID:

1) FAKE ID:
What’s that??
FAKE is something which is NOT TRUE. FAKE ID is the profile where People FAKE their identity. When it comes to FAKE name or picture, I can give clean chit as our country is still not on well terms with homosexuality. But you’ll be known as FAKE if you share your FALSE feelings and thoughts, That’s FAKE for me!
So no name or picture but when you FAKE your thoughts you will have a FAKE ID. So you have a FAKE ID?? Your thoughts are Genuine and Real?

So who is FAKE here: Those who portray themselves something different than they are in reality. 

2) REAL ID:
What’s REAL??
REAL is something which is TRUE. REAL ID is the profile where People are with their REAL identity Real Name, Real Picture of yourself, Real thought on EVERYTHING (Including Sexual Orientation especially when you fill up ‘’Interested in : Women’’ on fb) 

So many of you are not being REAL on REAL ID when it comes to sexuality which really makes a big difference there, You just pretend to be a straight which YOU ARE NOT!! SO YOU BEING FAKE…AND THAT MAKE YOUR REAL ID FAKE!! :D funny! Isn’t it?
So is there anyone who got REAL ID here??

So who are REAL here: Those who express themselves openly without caring what will people think about their feelings and expressions on EVERY SINGLE THING. Very Few Are Here.

So if you are not FAKE and not REAL too then what you are…?

Here you are….

Actual ID/Family ID: 

It’s the profile which shows your actual identity mostly with REAL NAME & PICTURES. Mostly you came on facebook with this ID and with your real life friends and family members, relatives are added. Here there is no case of REAL OR FAKE! Family ID is Family ID, BE FAKE OR REAL!

Other ID/Gay Friendly ID:

It’s the profile which DOES NOT SHOW your actual identity in terms of REAL NAME & PICTURES But Your thoughts are REAL, pure and genuine which are in your mind and for any reason you are not able to express them on your Family ID.
Here you express your gay life openly either in good way or bad (choice is yours). But it’s more about your sexual orientation.

So which are the PERFECT TERMS/NAMES for THESE ACCOUNTS?

Straight ID? – NO! By ANY WAY.. “YOU ARE NOT STRAIGHT”

PERFECT NAME is OTHER ACCOUNT for our GAY FRIENDLY ID. Don’t call it FAKE and don’t allow people to call it FAKE, If you are not FAKE!! 

PERFECT NAME is ACTUAL ACCOUNT for our FAMILY ID. Don’t call it REAL and don’t allow people to call it REAL Cuz’ it’s always bad to be and get recognized ‘what you are not’!! 

There are some people like me who got 2 IDs and Their both ID’s are Actual ID (as they are being what they are openly) and Gay Friendly too. 
Remember the words “ACTUAL” & “OTHER”. NOT “STRAIGHT’’ & “FAKE”

And please for welfare of Gay Man-Kind don’t say it NORMAL/ABNORMAL ACCOUNT, GAYS ARE NORMAL HUMAN BEING….MADE BY GOD, LOVED BY GOD TO DO ‘’NORMAL THINGS’’.

So when you talk to someone about this, please make sure you’ll use PROPER WORDS. :)

- Nakshatra

Dealing With Homosexuality : Nitin Lovable

An Article to Deal with Homosexuality (Not for Competition or contest)

Introduction:

Homosexuality literally means involving in sexual activity with same sex. But in real the meaning is lot more than that. One need to understand that sex is not only an act but it’s an expression.

According to Wikipedia definition,

1. "Homosexuality is romantic or sexual attraction or behavior between members of the same sex or gender."

2. As a sexual orientation, homosexuality refers to "an enduring pattern of or disposition to experience sexual, affectionate, or romantic attractions primarily or exclusively to people of the same sex"

In my own words, Homosexuality means - to express your attraction through sexual activity towads same gender on physical, emotional, romantic or behavioral level. And on basis of this we have various sexual orientations like Gay, Bisexual, Lesbian and Transgender etc.

DEALING WITH HOMOSEXUALITY:

The biggest problem is not with society, but the person itself who is homosexual. The first thing which any Homosexual (Gay or lesbian) person should understand that:

1. Accepting yourself first is the first step to deal with your sexuality. Until and unless you accept yourself, don’t expect anyone else will accept you.

2. It is not a disorder, phase, or mental disease.

3. It is not caused by your mother or father or because of heredity.

4. You are not psycho or abnormal, but it is completely natural.

5. it’s no one’s business to judge you on the basis of your sexuality.

6. A very important point, you do not become homosexual because of your childhood plays/mistakes(many refers it as SINS) or because someone abused you in childhood. No one have power to make/convert someone to Gay, straight, lesbian or transgender. It is also not caused because you are not close to your father in male’s case and mother in female’s case. i.e. you didn’t get love of your father, so you became Gay OR you didn’t get love of mother, so you are Lesbian – TOTAL CRAP.

7. Homosexuals are not always feminine (As always shown on TV and Cinemas). So, if they think Homosexuals means Hijaras (Transgender), they are wrong.

8. MYTHS ABOUT HOMOSEXUAL MALES: Many people think that Gays have no penis or small penis so they afraid to have sex with female because of shame, they are impotent, they are afraid of females, they are sex seekers and God hate gays etc. – TOTAL MYTHS.

MY SPIRITUAL ASPECT OF HOMOSEXUALITY:

I came across many people who have many myths and I experienced it from my parents too as I told them about me being Gay. You need to be confident and proud about who you are.

When I accepted myself, that time I wasn’t able to accept myself on spiritual level, as I am religious too. When I explored myself and gained knowledge about homosexuality, I myself found answer to my questions. As someone has said, All the answers of your questions lies inside you, you just need to take little bit efforts to find them. The research, articles, experiences were the keys to unlock those answers. I found out that,

Your Identity is important as it makes you realize that you exist in this world, that you are king of your life, you are free to choose, you are free to make choices, you can love, you can be happy, you can care, you can enjoy life and you can do anything you want. It makes you feel that you are REAL and NOT FAKE. The more you deny your identity, the more you will suffer. So, as I said, accepting yourself, your identity is the first step.

Also know one thing, Nature love diversity, that’s why all the color of rainbow are distinct and not same. But finally, they are COLORS, though they are different from others and have different characteristics, behavior, and impact. The same way, the Identity of yours makes you different from other people, but finally, you are Human Being only. The identity or sexual orientation doesn’t isolate you from being Humans but we personally do when someone hate us, or abuse us, torture us or misbehave with us. Live without fear and face the obstacle in your life with pride.

Remember, God don’t see what your identity or your sexual orientation is. God sees, love in your heart, your respect, kindness and your humanity. God loves Human, and we all are human, just with little differences. But we are created that way, so don’t deny God’s creation. Live your life as who you are, love yourself and others, follow your heart and teach others same. Be proud of who you are, we all here to fulfill our destiny or purpose. If we deny our identity, we will loose purpose to live life. When you don’t have any purpose in life, you are like Zombie. And then I realized that why It is important to know who I am. Cause once you accept yourself, when you realize who you are, it makes your path clear to achieve your goals and fulfill purpose of your life, to live your own life and not others.

Life is meaningless, until you put some meaning into it. If you loose your identity, your life will be lost too. So, do exist in this world as you are and the way you are, Just like a distinct color of rainbow. If the color removes itself or try to change a distinct color to look like other colors, the rainbow will loose its identity.

All the Best to all participant of the competition and thank you for reading my article.
Love you all.
 

- Nitin Lovable